If I Could Turn Back Time
by dsnyclayfan1124
Summary: What if the unthinkable happened and Josh loses the only person he truly loved before he got a chance to express his feelings? What if he was given an opportunity to turn back the clock for twenty four hours? Can he save the woman he loses from her tragic
1. Chapter 1

Title: Turn Back Time (1?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Feedback: I love it and love to hear what other's think of my story.

Special Thanks to my beta Elizabeth who has helped me so much with this story!

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'If I could turn back time  
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay'

Josh groaned as his radio alarm went off indicating that it was time for him to start another dull, monotonous day waking up alone in his D.C apartment. Not wanting to exert the energy to shut off the increasingly loud sound of the alarm, he simply pulled his aging comforter over his head in an attempt to mute it. As he hid under his covers he thought to himself how it was much too early in the morning for anybody to be playing Cher and perhaps if he just hid under the covers long enough then hopefully the song would soon be over. Thankfully he was right.

"Good Morning D.C, it's Friday the 13th and you know what that means! Stay away from black cats and don't walk under ladders, weird things happen today so be prepared. That last song goes out to Donna, requested by a man who loves her dearly but admits he has screwed up things royally and wanted to request this song to express how sorry he was for hurting you in the past and hopes that you will take him back. Donna if you are listening, some free advice from another guy, please just forgive the poor sap us guys never realize what they have until it's too late." The Radio D.J announced on the radio before cutting to commercial.

'At least I'm not the only one who screwed up with a Donna' Josh thought to himself as he finally got the energy to shut off his alarm in an effort to be spared from further discussions of the Donnas of the world. He tries to shake off any lingering thoughts about his Donna and forget about how he threw away his one real chance at happiness.

Starting off the day wallowing in self-pity was not the best way to start off the morning, but lately it had become the norm. Begrudgingly he drags himself out of his bed and into his shower.

As he is getting dressed he turns on the TV to C-Span and is reminded of another reason he was not looking forward to this day. The reporter is detailing the outline of a health care reform bill that this Administration wants to pass and discusses how White House Staff will be meeting with members of the House Leadership this afternoon in hopes of making progress in getting this bill out of committee and onto the floor for a vote.

Josh knows how important this is to Leo and the President. He thought to himself if he can't get the House Majority leader to agree to rally support to sign off on this bill then he might as well just pack his things and move back home with his mother. Perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing, he knew his performance lately had been well below par and he didn't want to continue to bring the administration down and perhaps Donna would be happier.

He moves into his kitchen and starts his coffeemaker and pulls down the box of Corn Flakes from the top of his refrigerator. He promised his mom he would eat them for breakfast each morning; she kept nagging him about his eating habits the last time they spoke and made it very clear to him that she believed breakfast was the most important meal of the day. He goes into the fridge to grab the milk, but finds that the carton is empty. Refusing to eat the cereal dry, he puts the contents back in the box and makes a mental note to go grocery shopping after work.

At least he can have his coffee, he remembered as he poured the coffee into the only clean mug he had left. The coffeemaker had been a Christmas gift from Donna two years ago. Josh smiled as he remembered how she teased him that she chose that particular model because it was idiot-proof and all he had to do was push the button and he'd get his coffee, no bellowing required.

He shifted his focus back to the TV and started to get frustrated as he continued to listen to the reporter criticizing the bill and doubting that it would ever make it past committee despite efforts from the White House. He felt a hot presence making its way down his chest, at first he thought it was just his temper flaring but soon realized it was something else.

"Just great!" Josh shouted even though nobody was around to hear him. Apparently the mug was cracked, presumably from the last time he was listening to the morning news and slammed the fragile, porcelain mug on the counter angry over the latest statements from Mary Marsh. But this meant his coffee had now spilt all over his favorite blue shirt that he had just picked up from the dry cleaners yesterday. He regrettably goes back to his closet to see if he has anything else to wear to one of the most important meetings of his life that doesn't look like he pulled it straight from the bottom of his hamper.

In the end between the traffic, and his delays at home he finally arrives to the White House almost an hour later than he originally planned. He grumbled to himself that it really must be Friday the 13th since he has gotten nothing but bad luck today.

"DONNA!" Josh bellowed as he walked straight into his office and slammed his backpack on his desk.

"Yes, Josh," Donna said as she waited outside his doorway, she knew not to cross the line into his office unless she was asked to.

He motioned for her to come in, as he hurried to prepare for his meeting.

"Did you pull those 10 year estimate figures like I asked you yesterday, this meeting is really important and I can't afford any screw-ups!"

"Of course I did, it's my job isn't it? I know this meeting is important, in fact Leo is looking for you, he stopped by just a few minutes ago to say he wants to meet with you before you see Congressman Jackson." Donna replied coldly, as she tried to hide the fact that she had been late to the office this morning as well and at the present time she didn't know where she had placed the briefing notes and estimates she prepared for him yesterday.

"Can I have the notes for my meeting then?" Josh asked impatiently.

Trying to stall, "I have to cross check a few more figures, go meet with Leo and I'll have them for you when you get out. After all you don't want to bring inaccurate figures to your meeting with Leo, now do you?" Donna said confidently trying to buy herself some time to locate the document on her increasingly disorganized desk.

"Fine" Josh conceded. "I need to leave in 10 minutes, so have them ready the minute I finish with Leo."

Donna shot Josh an annoyed look, sat back at her desk pretending to be researching figures as he left and to meet with Leo. As soon as he was out of sight she began to tear apart her desk, frantically looking for the briefing memos she had prepared. She reprimanded herself for letting her desk get this disorganized, but things had changed so much these past couple months that she found she hasn't had the time to focus on her job as much as she has had in the past.

After all in three short weeks, she was to be married. It had been a lighting fast courtship; after all they had only started dating just six months ago, right after the re-election. He surprisingly popped the big question on Valentines Day namely because he didn't know how long he was going to be in D.C so he wanted to make the most of their time. Normally she wouldn't jump into that serious of relationship with someone so soon, but recent events had left her wanting to have somebody in her life that loved her, respected her and treated her the way she deserved to be treated.

Evidence of her impending wedding was everywhere, and it was a significant contributor to the mess that cluttered her desk. She didn't realize how much planning was involved in a wedding, especially when you only have 3 months to plan the wedding of your dreams. With the hours that Josh expected her to keep there was no way she could plan it all on her personal time, so it was inevitable that she had to work out some of her wedding details at work covertly.

So somewhere under the bridal magazines, how-to-books, and catering and floral arrangement proposals lay the missing briefing memos she had worked so hard on yesterday. She remembered that she even stuck the information in a red folder for safe keeping. She was growing increasingly frustrated as she lifted up the stacks of papers on her desk and opened her drawers as she knew it had to be here somewhere and if she just kept looking it had to turn up.

Meanwhile, Josh made his way over to Leo's office. As he walked down the halls, he questioned to himself if his heart was truly in this job anymore. It's a question he's been asking to himself since the moment Donna arrived at the White House one morning with a 3 Karat diamond ring attached to her left hand, given to her by a man that wasn't him.

He hated how strained their relationship was, it wasn't like they hated each other, but it was miles from how it was before he managed to screw everything up. But he couldn't think about that anymore, he can't have regrets or question "what-ifs" he needed to focus on the matter at hand, which was this reform bill as he opened the door to Leo's office, shut the door behind him and sat down.

"I don't think I need to tell you how important this meeting is." Leo said.

"No, sir you don't. I promise I'll get this bill passed."

"Good Josh, the President and I are counting on you. Also, I've noticed you haven't been yourself recently. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah everything is just fine, just some personal issues I'm dealing with, but don't worry it won't affect my work. I'm 100 dedicated to seeing this bill all the way through." Josh said in his most confident voice to try to reassure Leo that everything was ok as he didn't have time or the desire for one of his father-son type conversations right now.

"Alright, well get it together and don't let us down." Leo said as he got back to work.

"I won't" Josh said as he got up and hurried back to desk as he was running out of time to get to his meeting and hoped that Donna finished finalizing his briefing notes and the relevant figures.

"Did you finish it?" Josh asks impatiently as he slams his backpack down on Donna's desk and startles her.

As luck would have it, at that moment a red folder comes to light just underneath her magazine of the 50 most popular wedding dresses of the 20th century that she hopes Josh didn't see.

"Is this the second time you doubt me today? It's all right here in this red folder Josh," Irritated by his lack of trust in her, Donna stuck the folder in his backpack and shoved it towards him.

"Also can you confirm the location of my meeting? I know they have that bug problem over at some of the offices in the Capital so they moved the Congressmen to another location. I know its over in OMB but I don't remember in what office."

Donna pulled out Josh's calendar but she couldn't tell if she wrote 3807 or 13807 as the 1 could have just have been a stray mark on the page, sometimes it was hard to tell with her distinctive penmanship. She took a chance and judging by her other numbers, she was pretty sure it was 3807 and the 1 in front was just an erroneous scribble.

"I think it's 3807." Donna replied quickly.

"You think or know Donna. I don't have time for any mistakes or rookie errors." Josh demanded as his impatience grew.

"It's 3807, no doubt. Now will you please leave, before you are late and blame me for it?" Donna said as she slammed the calendar back down on her desk which in turn knocked over a pile of papers to floor which unbeknownst to Donna also revealed the true location to the red folder containing the briefing memos she worked so hard on.

Not wanting to fight with Donna anymore and not wanting to be late for the meeting, he left. Donna picked up the papers on the floor and threw them back on the desk, once again covering the very important red folder. She felt a headache coming on as she asked herself why she puts up with this type of treatment. But not wanting to stress about Josh any further, she set to work on her wedding plans, a much happier event. With Josh out of the office she could at least finalize a few details. She briefly looked around her desk for the wedding planning folder that contained all the estimates and quotes she had already received. Not wanting to mess her desk up any further, she figured she just must have left the folder at home but she could just call the places again and get the information she needed.

She stated her calls with her gown designer to see if her designer could schedule her fitting to ensure the dress she picked out fit. As she was placed on hold, she stared into Josh's empty office. She found her thoughts drifted back to Josh as opposed to her fiancée. She hated how things were between them and she hated how he treated her now. But no matter how bad things were between them and how distant they were with one another, she just couldn't leave him. She rationalized to herself that having him partially in her life in any form was better than not having him in her life at all. He had been the most important man in her life for the past five years, how could she just let go? But the more she thought about it, the angrier she got, because after all it was entirely his fault things were like this. This should be a happy time in her life. She reminded herself that in just a few short weeks, she was going to become Mrs. Jack Reese and she will never have to worry about being hurt by Josh Lyman ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Turn Back Time (2?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Feedback: ; I love it and love to hear what other's think of my story 

Special Thanks to my beta Elizabeth who has helped me so much with this story!

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With only a minute to spare, Josh took a moment to catch his breath from his brief sprint over to the OMB Building and knocked on office 3807. But to his surprise, a man he had never met before answered the door with a confused look on his face.

"Can I help you, sir?" the young man asked.

"Umm.. I was looking for Congressman Jackson, I have a meeting with him." Josh said growing increasingly frustrated that Donna appeared to send him to the wrong location.

"I'm sorry, but this floor is for aides only. I believe their temporary offices are somewhere on the 13th floor."

Josh muttered a quick thanks before the man closed the door and Josh sprinted over to the elevator while he pulled out the phone to get a hold of Donna.

"Beep… beep" the sound of the busy signal resonated in his ear as Josh impatiently tapped the up button in an effort to force the elevator down from its current location on the 9th floor.

Josh slammed his phone shut as he thought to himself whomever it was that Donna was on the phone with better be important and started to curse quietly to himself, not wanting to cause a scene. He couldn't understand how Donna had given him the wrong location; she had never once given him wrong information about where his meetings were. She was the most organized person he knew, or at least she used to be.

Not being able to afford to wait any long for the elevator he reluctantly headed for the stairs as he started to dial Margaret's number.

"Hey Margaret, it's Josh, I need a favor. Can you connect me with Congressman Jackson's office?"

Margaret agrees without saying a word and patches him directly to the Congressman's assistant, Meghan.

"Congressman Jackson's office" she answered in a perky voice.

"Hi Meghan, it's Josh, I'm in a bit of a dilemma," Josh said as he stopped to catch his breath on the seventh floor. He definitely wasn't in the shape he used to be in and made a mental to note that he needed to start visiting the gym again soon.

"Mr. Lyman, aren't you supposed to meeting with the Congressman right now?" She asked curiously as she looked at her clock and distinctly remembered that the meeting was to have started almost 10 minutes ago.

"Yes I am, and believe me I have every intention of meeting with him. There just was a slight mix-up and need the location of the room we are meeting in"

"It's OMB 13801"

"Thanks so much for your help"

"You're welcome and hurry sir, the Congressman hates when people are late"

With that Josh pushed open the stairwell door to the thirteenth floor and ran down the hall to finally arrive at room 13801.

He took another deep breath; his heart was racing both from his cardiovascular activity on the stairs and worry over the repercussions of being late to the meeting. He knocked on the door and to his dismay he was greeted by Congressman Jackson with a marked look of impatience and annoyance.

"You're late Mr. Lyman," The Congressman tersely remarked as he closed the door to the office.

"I sincerely apologize for being late, but there was a mix-up with the location information." Josh said hoping to smooth things over as the meeting had definitely had a rocky start, as he opened up his backpack and hurriedly tried to get organized.

"Well Josh you've wasted enough of our time as it is, so why don't we just get on with it. Tell us how much will the passage of this bill cost our government over a ten year period? How much of a tax increase are we looking at?"

Josh opened the red folder, containing all the figures that he had Donna compiled.

"We're looking at an increase of fifteen thousand…." Josh trailed off as he couldn't believe what was in front of him.

'$15,000 rental fee for the D.C Mariott

$6.500 Vera Wang Designer Wedding Gown

$1,600 ice sculpture

$750 Male Wedding Band……'

Josh was outraged and closed the folder abruptly. These were certainly not his briefing memos but rather what seemed to be Donna's wedding estimates. He was furious, how could she give him the wrong information, was this a joke? In the entire time she had worked for him she had never screwed up like she had this morning, normally she was the epitome of perfection. What was he supposed to do now? Has she had she even done the estimates like he asked he wondered.

The Congressman interrupted his thoughts and brought him back to the grim reality of the situation. "Mr. Lyman you were saying, something fifteen thousand… we find ourselves waiting once again for you"

"Umm… "Josh stuttered trying desperately hard to think on his feet. "During the re-election campaign we did a nationwide poll of about 15,000 people and they all agreed that health care reform is something important to them and that the President should address early on in the campaign."

"Well that's very nice, to hear what our constituencies have to say, but what I care about today is how much more those people are going to have to pay a year in taxes so that you can launch your ideas into practice. Now do you have those figures for us right now, or has this entire meeting been a colossal waste of our time. My patience is wearing thin Mr. Lyman"

Not wanting to lie and not wanting to attempt to make up figure estimates that would most definitely wrong, Josh did the only thing he could and told the truth.

"I know how this looks Sir, and I can't begin to tell you again how sorry I am. But my assistant seems to have given me the wrong information, a horrible error on her part that I will definitely be addressing with her. At this point and time I don't have the figures you requested but I assure you the proper research has been done and I can return later this afternoon with copies of all of our estimates for all of you to read and review."

The Congressman did not look amused; he expected more from the Deputy Chief of Staff to the President. "I'm sorry Josh, but if you didn't take the time to properly prepare for this meeting which is evident in you arriving late and your inability to produce for us any relevant figures then maybe this bill isn't as important to the President as we have all been made to believe."

Josh interrupts him, "It is Sir, I assure you. This bill is one of his highest priorities and healthcare reform is an issue he really cares about. Please don't hold him accountable for my mistakes; I was the one who screwed up today and not him."

"Yes Mr. Lyman, you did. This meeting is over and if the President wants to continue the discussion about this bill, I want him to personally call me to discuss the details. You would think after four years in your position, you would be better at your job."

The Congressman's harsh words stung Josh to his core. He slowly got up out of the chair, swung his backpack over his shoulder and walked out of the office. As he waited for the elevator, he took his fist and slammed it against the wall in frustration before wincing in pain.

The pain continued as he dejectedly walked back to the White House in defeat. He continued to question how Donna could do this to him. Didn't she know how important this bill was to him and this Administration?

As he entered the West Wing and walked towards his office, he noticed that Donna was not at her desk. He looked around in an effort to find her as he was eager to pull her into his office and make it crystal clear to her the consequences of her actions this morning.

Instead he was greeted with a note on his desk,

"Josh,

I was able to secure a last minute appointment for the fitting of my wedding dress. Leo said it was ok for me to go, I'll be back this afternoon and will make up the hours I miss this evening since I don't have plans until later. Margaret offered to help you if need something when I'm gone.

-Donna"

The note only aggravated Josh more, as he thought to himself, 'Can't she think of anything else, but her damn wedding?'

He crumpled the note and attempted to throw it across the room into the trash, but he missed it by a good foot.

"Nice shot!" CJ stated as she bent down to pick up the paper ball and deposit it in the trash.

Josh just scowled at her before muttering he was not in the mood and what the hell does she need? He is a busy man having quite possibly one of the worst days of his life.

CJ, as well as everybody in the West Wing, was used to receiving this treatment from him. Josh hasn't been the same for months since Donna started dating Jack and has been in a particularly foul mood since Donna announced she was engaged. CJ looked over at Josh and how miserable he looked and she pitied him. Part of her just wants to take Josh with all his stubbornness and shake him around until he realizes that the reason he's been so upset was because he cared about Donna in a way he would never admit to himself.

For years everybody could see the seemingly unrequited love grow between these two staffers, with each of them thinking that it was impossible for the other to be feeling what they were feeling. She cared about both of them deeply, but realized it's not her place to say anything to Josh. By the way he's been acting he'd probably snap her in two if she even insinuated his recent rash behavior was fueled by jealously over his unspoken love for his blonde assistant.

"Josh, I came by to ask you if you have you heard anything about the latest beet farming figures.

"No, can't say that I have." Josh said, his disinterest in their discussion evident as he flipped through some papers on his desk not even taking the time to look up at CJ.

"Even though it sounds like a stupid question, I hate surprises in the press room. This new reporter from Times blindsided me with that random question about the nation's consumption levels over the last 4 year period that President Barlet has been in office and that some random comment the President made in one of the early primaries which accounted for the decline. Anyways, if you anything further about this matter you'll let me know right?"

"Sure" he muttered back as he continued to read the documents in front of him.

"Oh by the way, how did the meeting go?" she asked curiously, remembering that Josh had that meeting with Congressman Jackson this morning and knows that it will probably come up in her next briefing.

"Don't even get me started." Josh snapped back as he shut the folder he was reading and slammed his fist on the desk and got up and turned his back on CJ as he stared out his window.

His behavior both startled and worried CJ, she knew how important this meeting was and if it did not go well it was going to mean a wealth of problems for the newly re-elected Administration.

He continued, "If we can't get this bill on the floor, it will all be Donna's fault, so go bitch at her and leave me the hell alone."

"I'm sure you are over-exaggerating matters Josh, how could Donna lose us a bill? I think you are being too hard on her."

"No I'll tell you how CJ." Josh said curtly as he turned around and started to approach CJ listing each and every one of Donna's screw-ups this unlucky morning.

"First off she didn't have my briefing memos prepared this morning when I asked her for them. Secondly, she sent me to the completely wrong room for my meeting, causing me to be late. Then, I couldn't reach her to find out where the correct location was because her damn line was busy and I had to call Margaret instead. But most importantly I discover that in the course of one of the most important meetings of my life, instead of handing me our estimate figures on how much this bill is going to cost tax payers over a ten-year period, I find I've been given the estimates of the Moss-Reese wedding extraordinaire!"

CJ couldn't believe this was true, Donna's always been an excellent assistant to Josh and was floored that she screwed up like this. But in any case, everybody is entitled to make a mistake or two, Lord knows she'd made them herself and Josh had made plenty of mistakes as well and he's still around. It wasn't fair to blame Donna entirely for the meeting's outcome since Josh could have looked over the notes himself and been more prepared.

"I'm sorry Josh, but give her a break. It was a terrible mistake, but we've all made them. Donna has always been a great assistant to you and puts up with a lot more than others would tolerate so give her a break."

"No she used to be a great assistant, now she's constantly late, distracted at work, and unreliable. Ever since she's been seeing Jack she has changed. I regret the day I introduced the two of them to each other"

CJ thought about discussing the true reasons why Josh had a large problem with Donna since she started dating Jack and how it had nothing to do with her work habits, but she once again didn't want to overstep her bounds.

"She's a woman in love, who made one mistake and doesn't deserve to be crucified for that."

Josh just rolled his eyes and opened his folder and resumed his reading, as CJ continued.

"She deserves happiness Josh, and in light of our working conditions I'm just glad that somebody on the staff has found an opportunity to experience it."

Josh crinkled his face in disgust, "Well sorry C.J, if some of us are more concerned with running the country. Governing doesn't usually allow time for romantic sentimental stuff like love and romance."

With that CJ walked out of the office knowing it was no use to argue with him any further. After CJ walked out, Josh stopped what he was doing and thought about what he had just said. He admitted to himself that it wasn't entirely true.

His thoughts began to drift back to a moment that he would rather forget. A moment when he let go of his defenses, stopped worrying what others thought of him, and really opened his heart to feel love and affection for the first time. His thoughts brought him back to his apartment, about seven months ago and he smiled slightly and his heart swelled as he relived one of the greatest moments of his life, the moment when he kissed Donna Moss for the very first time.


	3. Chapter 3 7 months earlier

Title: Turn Back Time (3?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Feedback: ; I love it and love to hear what other's think of my story 

Special Thanks to my beta Elizabeth who has helped me so much with this story!

_Seven Months Earlier _

It was 2 weeks until re-election day and everybody was feeling the crunch, but none more so than Josh. It was Friday and Leo had given everybody that weekend off to re-charge their batteries since they hadn't had a Saturday off for the last four months with the campaign in full swing. But unlike everybody else Josh couldn't take a day off, being on the road the last week had put him immensely behind issues he needed to take care of in Washington. Even though he really didn't want to he knew that if he was going to accomplish anything meaningful tomorrow then he was going to have to ask Donna to sacrifice her Saturday off as well.

"Umm.. Donna… I want to first start off by saying; this is not what it looks like." Josh stated as his best sympathetic look.

Donna bit- her lip slightly as she knew that look and a phrase very well and wondered what favor Josh was going to ask of her now just as she was getting ready to leave and enjoy her first weekend off in a long while.

"What is now Josh?… I know that look….It's never a good thing." Donna shot him her all-knowing glance knowing how many past dates she had to cancel in the past when Josh starts off by saying that 'it's not what it looks like' .

Josh bit his lip too knowing that Donna had a strong idea of what he was about to ask her, "Well… you know you mentioned you were getting your nails done at the spa in morning with the girls and then having lunch with some gomer from legislative affairs."

"Yes I do Josh, I have been looking forward to it for weeks… and his name is Scott and he is not a gomer, he's a very nice and patient guy who I've postponed my date with eleven other times to accommodate your wacky schedule. Do you know many men would wait this long for a date? Not many." Donna whined knowing full where this discussion was headed and that it was futile for her to argue with him.

"Well, let's see how Scotty copes with an even dozen, I need you to let him know that you can't make it because I need you here in the office with me tomorrow." Josh said nervously awaiting Donna's reaction.

"NO! JOSH! This is our first Saturday off in a long time! I can't remember the last time I went out on a date or even just had a relaxing night with a home cooked meal, my favorite movie on the TV and a normal conversation that has nothing to do with politics." Donna whined even though she knew it would do her no good.

"Well then maybe date attempt number thirteen will be your lucky one?" Josh smirked as he flashed his dimples and continued to tease her, "Wow Donna.. for him to hold out for a date for that long, he must be desperate or expecting something in return from you."

Josh scrambled to the other side of his office before Donna had a chance to slap him on the head with the stack of papers in her hand.

"You're terrible you know that? Any other assistant would not hesitate to slap a sexual harassment suit on that smug little face."

Josh stepped closer to Donna, "Well you're not just any other assistant are you?"

Donna felt herself grow red in embarrassment to his statement and shook her head.

She knew she and Josh didn't have a typical boss/assistant relationship by any means. But it seemed only recently they were getting closer and closer to acknowledging the elephant in the room and recognizing the feelings hidden just beneath the surface.

Slightly embarrassed Josh retreated back, "Anyways, I'm sorry you have to cancel your plans, but let's say I make it up to you."

Donna intrigued, smiled at him curiously, "Alright go on, I'm listening."

"If you spend the day with me tomorrow helping me cut through the mountain of work that has grown exponentially on my desk in my absence this week, I'll invite you over to a home-cooked dinner and relaxing evening at Casa de Lyman."

Donna looked at him in disbelief, "When was the last time you cooked anything that wasn't micro-waved or ready to eat in three easy steps?"

Josh pretended to look offended, "I can cook! Let me prove to you! You want a nice evening I'll give you one. It'll just be the two of us and I promise we won't talk shop."

Donna grinned, the idea of spending an evening with Josh away from work sounded almost too good to be true, "You're on buddy, a home cooked meal and no discussion of politics for an entire evening by Josh Lyman. This I have to see."

"Jeez Donna, you act like me providing you with a relaxing evening is equivalent to hell freezing over." Josh said feigning hurt over Donna's apparent disbelief.

"Seriously Josh, in the entire 5 years I've known you I don't think I've ever seen you truly relaxed. I don't think it's in your nature."

"Well there's a first for everything now isn't there? " Josh said mockingly.

"Alright Boss you have yourself a deal; I'll see you tomorrow morning at 9am sharp."

Donna softly said as she gathered her stuff and Josh smiled as she walked out the door.

Once she was out of sight, Josh immediately picked up the phone to call his mother.

"Hi mom… It's Josh…. Umm I kinda agreed to cook a home cooked meal for Donna and I have no idea what I got myself into…. "

3pm the next day

"Wow, see that was not too bad, it's amazing what we can get done without any distractions." Josh stated amazed that they both had completed everything he had set out to complete today and did so in record time.

"Well that's what happens when every other member of Senior Staff is out enjoying themselves on this beautiful Saturday afternoon while I'm stuck here with my slave-driver of a boss." Donna teased.

"Hey, hey… I don't think Leo gives Margaret a beautiful flower arrangement every year on their anniversary and I certainly don't think Toby has ever agreed to cook a home-cooked meal for Ginger or Sam has ever given Cathy a 2 hour spa treatment complete with a manicure and pedicure."

"Well you've never…" Donna started to say before Josh presented her with an envelope containing a gift certificate to the most expensive DC day spa.

"I'm sorry you had to cancel your date and I'm sorry you missed hanging out with the girls this morning. Hopefully this makes up for it. And don't you dare say I'm not a thoughtful boss ever again."

Donna was overcome with emotion; this was so nice of Josh. It had been a long time since she had a massage and after the last 4 years she's had she could definitely use it.

"Thank you so much Josh, I don't know what to say." Donna said speechless.

Glad that he succeeded in surprising her, "Well you have some time, why don't you go the day-spa right now since we are just about done here today? But don't forget you have 7:30 reservations at Casa de Lyman where rumor has it the cook will be preparing an authentic Italian dish.

Impressed Donna smiled back and replied back in a sultry voice, "I can't wait."

Josh beamed with delight, and told her to enjoy her surprise spa session as he thought to himself 'the surprises his darling Donna were just beginning'.

7:25pm

Ever since Donna left Josh had been scrambling to put the pieces of his evening together. His first stop had been the grocery store, where he picked up the ingredients he needed to put together his culinary masterpiece which after much discussion with his mom had been decided on being Spaghetti and Meatballs. She chose this dish for Josh because it was the easiest dish for her culinary-challenged son to make. She was quite aware that he had a bad habit of over-cooking anything he touched which could explain his preference for hamburgers to be burnt like hockey pucks. However, in this case his mother specifically warned him not to let the pasta boil for too long or else it would get soggy and turned to mush and the meal would be ruined. He brushed off his mother's advice, it was just spaghetti, where you just put the pasta in water and let it sit there for a period of time to cook. How hard could that all be?

The next stop was to the local video rental store since Donna mentioned yesterday that she wanted to curl up on the couch and watch her favorite movie, which to Josh's displeasure was Disney's Lady and the Tramp. But he remembered Donna has made plenty of sacrifices for him, so he could force himself to sit through a 90 minute animated feature about two dogs falling in love and thought of curling up on the couch with Donna was a comforting thought. He was proud of himself too, he even managed to find the soundtrack on sale and picked it for some mood music.

Lastly he stopped at the local Pottery Barn as he had to invest in a table cloth and maybe some candlesticks and a vase for his bare dining room table. He felt so oddly out of place in the store, it was much too feminine for him. Luckily he was able to find all the items he needed in roughly the same location probably to make it easier for the poor saps like him just eager to get in and out of the store quickly with the supplies for a romantic dinner as quickly as humanly possible.

As he let his pasta come to boil, he gently stirred his meat sauce. This isn't so bad he thought; he knew a Fulbright scholar like himself could figure this cooking stuff out. It's a piece of cake and doesn't know why the women in his life make sure a big deal about cooking.

Since his meal was still cooking he took the opportunity to set out his last minute arrangements. He put the DVD in his player and plopped the CD in his stereo system and pushed play. He carefully lit the silver candle sticks he arranged on the table and smoothed out his red and white checkered tablecloth similar to ones in all the Italian restaurants in the movies. As he placed the single rose in the small vase he had at the center of the table he thought to himself, if Donna isn't impressed by all this then there's definitely no hope left for him.

As he finished placing the table settings symmetrical on the table, he was startled by a knock on the door, it was Donna and she was five minutes early.

When he opened the door he was amazed at how beautiful and relaxed Donna looked. She was wearing a light pink sweater with some form-fitting jeans that made her look very attractive, even more so than usual. Her nails were done in a French tip that complimented her sweater and it was obvious that she had enjoyed her time at spa.

"Good Evening." Donna said breaking Josh from the trance he was in.

"Good evening to you Ms Moss. Please come on in, our dinner is almost ready." Josh said as invited her in and pulled out her chair like a true gentleman.

As she looked around his apartment she was amazed at all the effort Josh had put into this evening. Not only was his apartment spotless for once but tonight would be the first time they had ever used his dining table that was normally littered with clutter from the office.

She remarked to herself that Josh had definitely had gone shopping as she was sure prior to today Josh never owned a tablecloth much less candlesticks and a vase. She smiled as she imagined Josh shopping at Crate and Barrel or Pottery Barn knowing he'd be so lost and out of place, like a fish out of water. She also was surprised at the cute little touches Josh had done to make this evening special, the music on the CD was from her favorite movie, "Lady and the Tramp,." The song currently playing was 'Bella Notte', which the song playing during her favorite scene when Lady and the Tramp share their first kiss a midst their romantic spaghetti dinner over a midnight sky. Even though Donna knew it was just a cartoon, it was her all time favorite movie moment, and she thought how she wished romantic moments happened like that in real life.

'_Oh this is the night, it's a beautiful night  
And we call it bella notte'_

The song played as Josh poured them both a glass of wine before returning to the kitchen to attend to his creation. Donna giggled, she was amused by Josh's appearance, he was wearing both an apron along with a floppy hat.

She was thoroughly enjoying her glass of wine, when she heard Josh curse obscenities from the kitchen as she thought to herself that couldn't be good.

She laughed as Josh threw down his chef's hat and walked out from the kitchen with a dejected look on his face. In his hand was a serving platter that from afar appeared to be mountain of some yellowish Jello-type goo, but upon further inspection Donna realized it was the spaghetti but it was all clumped together.

"Josh what happened?" Donna teased enjoying that vindication she had knowing she was right about Josh's culinary skills. After all, who can really mess up spaghetti?

"I guess I over-cooked it." Josh remarked as he stuck out his bottom lip in an attempt to garner sympathy for his failed cooking attempt.

_'Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes  
On this lovely bella notte.'_

"You think?" Donna smiled while Josh shot her another puppy dog look indicating his ego had taken enough of a beating today between his visit to the Pottery Barn Store and the spaghetti goop that lay in front on them.

"Well at least we have some wine." Josh remarked as he poured each of them another glass, at least he couldn't screw up that.

For the next few hours time seemed to come to a standstill as they both regaled stories of their past and laughed at each other's past misfortunes, stories they were sure they wouldn't be sharing if they were sober. But with Donna not having at anything to eat all day and Josh with his sensitive system it didn't take long before they were both pretty drunk.

Donna and Josh both laughed hard as Josh shifted his stories to Sam's misfortunes and how he has always had a hard time judging women. He tells Donna about how the first woman Sam slept with turned out to be a lesbian who left him the next morning to reunite with her estranged girlfriend, which had turned out to Sam's last girlfriend who had refused to sleep with him, and at least he knew why now.

As the movie played Josh and Donna continued to laugh, as he sat across from her at the table a realization suddenly washed over him. For the first time in a long while, he really felt relaxed. Although he mentioned this was going to be a relaxing evening for both of them, he didn't quite believe himself. But he honestly couldn't remember the last time he felt this good inside. Sure he had been drinking, but he knew couldn't dismiss these feelings as stemming completely from the alcohol, as he knew deep down they had been brewing inside him for years.

'_Side by side with your loved one,  
You'll find enchantment here'_

Donna wiped a tear from her eye as she came to a similar realization. When Josh told her he planned a relaxing evening for them, she had her doubts. Sure he messed up the dinner, but the company he was providing more than made up for it. For the first time she could honestly say Josh looked relaxed and she asked herself when the last time she enjoyed herself as much as she was now. Certainly she had never had a date go this good, she stopped herself as she thought, 'A date? Is that what this is? Am I on a date with Josh?'

The night certainly had the making of a date with the candlelight, romantic music, flowers and the wine. Not wanting to process what it all means right now, she came up with an evil idea.

"Josh, I think you dropped something on the floor." Donna remarked.

Josh whose drunken state made him a pretty gullible target, bent down to investigate what he dropped on the floor while Donna reached into the spaghetti goop and grabbed a handful while Josh was not looking.

He snapped his head back to the table confused, "Donna I didn't fi…." He was stopped mid-sentence as a handful of spaghetti goop slammed across his face and dripped back down to the table as Donna laughed hysterically like a child.

"Well the food shouldn't go waste." She teased as Josh took his turn and reached in the sloppy mess to get an even larger handful for himself, not wanting to be one-upped by Donna.

"Oh really Ms. Moss, aren't you the playful one tonight?" He said as he launched the mess at her, only for her to duck causing him to miss and hit the wall instead.

Donna stuck out her tongue, and teased. "You can't catch me…" as she ran to the other side of the table.

Before he knew it they were having an all out food fight and running in circles trying to avoid each other. His once spotless apartment was now covered in the spaghetti mess, but he didn't care as he couldn't remember the last time he had time much fun. It wasn't very long until both Josh and Donna were covered in the sticky mess, but it didn't bother either of them in the slightest.

Soon they were down to the last handful of the goop which was in Josh's possession. As Josh prepared to pelt her with the spaghetti one last time, Donna ran quickly around the corner of the table to avoid Josh's throw, but in the process she tripped on one of the chair legs and nearly fell. Luckily Josh ran to catch her and found himself in a situation holding her close in his arms, with their lips just mere inches apart as they stared in each other's eyes as the tension mounted.

_  
'The night will weave its magic spell,  
When the one you love is near!'_

As he held on to her tight, he lightly took his other hand and brushed her face as he removed a small remaining strand of spaghetti that was stuck to Donna's cheek. A spark of electricity surged through both of them when his fingers touched her soft face. Even though it was cheesy and he probably would never do it if he was sober Josh found that he couldn't pass up the moment. He placed the straggling piece of spaghetti in his hand and placed it in his mouth and lowered himself slightly to see if Donna would take the bait. She slowly grabbed the other side with her lips and both gradually consumed the spaghetti creation as they found their lips coming closer and closer together.

Finally their lips met and not needing anymore foreplay, they devoured each other and the hunger that had grown from the lack of a real meal seemed to transfer into hunger for each other. They could not keep their hands off each other, both feeling they need to explore, touch and memorize everything about the other. Finally getting to experience first hand what they had only imagined for so long. They rapidly discarded articles of clothing as they clumsily stumbled their way into the bedroom.

Josh untangled himself from Donna's embrace and lifted his hands to softly touch Donna's cheeks as he gazed into her eyes looking for affirmation that she was feeling what he was feeling and that this is truly what she wanted. She returned his gaze and the love they felt for each other shined through the darkness as she lowered her lips to kiss his palm. Not wanting to waste another moment he met her lips again and lowered her onto the bed where they spent the remainder of the evening making sweet passionate love to each other as the CD came to a stop and the music faded in the background…

_'Oh this is the night, and the heavens are right!  
On this lovely bella notte!'_

Credit to Disney for the Song


	4. Chapter 4

Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (4?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: This is different from other stories, I was inspired by a movie I saw on TV awhile back, called "If Only" so this shares some loose similarities. The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there.

Premise: What if the unthinkable happened and Josh loses the only person he truly loved before he got a chance to express his feelings? What if he was given an opportunity to turn back the clock for twenty four hours? Can he save the woman he loses from her tragic fate and salvage any chance for happiness before time runs out?

Feedback: ; I love it and enjoy hearing what others think of my story 

Special Thanks to my beta Elizabeth who has helped me so much with this story!

---------------------------

Flashback: 7 months prior: The Morning After

Josh groaned as he awoke to the rays of sunlight permeating through his window shades and unwelcomingly entered into his bedroom.

'Wow daylight' he thought to himself as he couldn't remember the last time the sun had beaten him in rising. He looked over at the alarm clock, and saw it was already 10:30am, which meant he had almost gotten a full eight hour sleep, a feat that he hadn't accomplished since he started his career in politics.

He was amazed at how completely relaxed he still felt, perhaps if he felt like this more often he'd still have more hair left on his head. He was reminded of the reason of his tranquil state as he felt a warm body snuggle up to him, and place her blonde head comfortably on his chest. Josh smiled as he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her lovingly. 'If only it could be like this forever' he thought as he pictured a life growing old with Donna.

His daydream was cut short as he was interrupted by the ringing sound of a phone. Without even looking up or breaking his embrace with Donna, he carefully reached over to the nightstand to silence the ringing before it awoke Donna.

"Hello" he mumbled into the receiver.

"Josh is that you?" CJ asked curiously

"Yeah… who else would it be? C.J. Aren't we taking a weekend off?" 

"Yes we are… and I was expecting it to be Donna, considering you are answering her phone!" CJ exclaimed as she woke Josh into the realization of the situation he had put himself in.

He looked down at the phone and upon further examination he noticed it was Donna's, she must have changed her ring-tone recently to match his.

Donna stirred in bed, as she mumbled, "Who is it, tell them to go away." 

Hoping that CJ didn't hear that Josh pulled the phone away from his mouth as he quietly put his finger to his mouth and tried to silence Donna who continued to mumble in her sleep. Not wanting to take any further chances he slipped out of bed and moved into the living room white still covered in the spaghetti mess. .

"JOSHUA LYMAN… Was that a woman's voice I just heard? What the hell is going on…?" CJ asked impatiently.

Scrambling for an excuse, "Umm… Nothing at all CJ" Josh stuttered hoping that she would believe him.

"As much as I love both you and Donna, I don't need a morning press frenzy over the newest D.C sex scandal involving one of the President's closest advisors and his pretty blonde assistant just two weeks from Election Day." CJ stated hoping that she was wrong.

"No CJ it's nothing like that. I promise you." Josh said as he lied through his teeth

"I don't care if you are sleeping with Amy again but I feel I need to remind you Josh that we just got past the M.S debacle and we can't afford another situation with re-election right around the corner. It's not fair to the President, it's not fair to Leo and it's certainly not fair to Donna who deserves more than have her name and character dragged through the mud by the press. You are smarter than that I hope." CJ coldly stated hoping she wasn't being too harsh. 

"I get it CJ!" Josh snapped as the full weight of his actions last night came crashing down and resonated in his mind. It was true how could be he so stupid? He had been so careful for so long in regards to his feelings towards Donna. He would be close to her, but not too close, love her, but not admit to being in-love with her. This is the problem that he had been desperately trying to avoid for years, the reason why he and Donna never had "the talk." Because there was no possible way he could be in a relationship with Donna so long as they both worked at the White House and they served at the pleasure of the President.

CJ was right and Donna deserved more than to be on the blunt end of a political scandal that would rob her of any future opportunities of a career in D.C. She had so much promise and it would be selfish of him to jeopardize their respective futures on a chance that could ultimately end in heartbreak. After all what was his alternative? They could continue to see each other in secret, a few stolen kisses here and there on occasion, and wait until Bartlett steps down from office four years later to announce their relationship, but was that option truly fair to her?

She deserved somebody better than him, somebody that could love her the way she should be loved and could commit to her fully and not have to hide the way they really felt about her. He was damaged, he had so many unresolved issues in his life which he was still seeing Stanley to work through. Nightmares about Roslyn still continued to haunt him, what if he hurts her doing one of his post-traumatic episodes? He would never forgive himself if he did that and after that Christmas at the hospital where he watched her cry as the doctors stitched-up his self-inflicted wound closed he swore to himself that he never wanted to put her through that pain again. He had made a terrible mistake last night and he had to fix it.

"Alright" CJ said softly wondering if she had over-stepped her bounds.

"If you must know, Donna left her phone in the office yesterday and I put it on my nightstand in case she called looking for it. It was early and I didn't realize I answered the wrong phone. Are you happy now CJ? Is your inquisition over yet?" Josh replied hoping to end further discussion of the subject.

She nodded into her phone, "I'm sorry Josh, the Press Secretary in me just kind of took over and I panicked when you answered Donna's phone on our weekend off, which you have to admit looked awfully suspicious. You have to believe I only have the Administration's best interests at heart and I care about both of you and don't want to see either of you get hurt."

"Well thanks CJ, but do you honesty think I would that stupid to jeopardize our entire re-election campaign by sleeping with Donna?"

CJ paused, she was not blind and like everybody else she could tell that the relationship between Josh and Donna was anything but platonic and went far beyond a normal boss/assistant relationship. She had no doubt in her mind that should the opportunity present itself to Josh, the political ramifications of his actions would be the furthest thought from his mind. She wasn't against having two of her closest friends finding happiness but if they could refrain until at least after the re-election campaign it would make her life as Press Secretary a hell of a lot easier.

"Of course not Josh" she finally answered. "If Donna calls, please tell her we are going gown shopping for the Truman Gala this afternoon and she is welcome to join us."

Josh hung up the phone and returned to the bedroom where Donna was still fast asleep, he was sure this was the first time in a long while she's had a decent nights rest as well. Knowing the inevitable situation he was going to have to face soon, he wanted to savor the last few moments of happiness he had before he had to throw it all away in service to his county and the administration.

He crawled back in bed and just like magnets Donna body's seemed to be cosmically drawn to his as she turned and draped her arm across his chest and gently laid her head on his shoulder. Josh slowly ran his fingers through her soft blonde hair, careful not to hurt her by avoiding the tangles she'd developed from their love-making session last night. As she lay naked beside him he thought to himself how stunning she looked and how he couldn't picture a more beautiful creature.

As he held her so peacefully in his arms he was almost tempted to throw out everything he was planning earlier. Maybe Donna and he just could move to Paris where nobody knows or cares who they are or who they worked for and they could be just a normal couple for once. But as much as that idea intrigued him he knew it was not realistic, their leaving together would cause just as much chaos as if they stayed in D.C.

Knowing she was deep asleep, he placed a final kiss on the top of her head and whispered, "I love you Donna, I hope one day you can understand and forgive me."

Donna stirred slightly and mumbled something in reply that Josh could swore was an "I love you too" but maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part.

If he could have one wish it would be to freeze this moment in time as he would gladly re-live the events of the past twenty four hours over and over again for the rest of his life with no problem or complaints. But he knew life doesn't work that way after all he had learned this the hard way. No amount of wishing as a child would bring his sister back, or have his dad survive his surgery, or even stop the shooter from firing at them in Rosylyn. Life was tough and Josh had to accept how things are, no man has the power to change fate.

He slipped himself from Donna's loving embrace and hopped in the shower knowing that when he got out he was going to have the most difficult conversation of his life.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (5?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there. It's heavy on the angst right now…. But remember good things happen to those who wait. 

Feedback: ; I love it and like to hear what people are thinking both good and bad… let me know!

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth!

Josh stepped out of the shower and got dressed; careful not to wake Donna who was a pretty light sleeper even with all the traveling they had been doing on the campaign. He was the opposite, when he knocked out he was out like a light. He remembered on the first campaign all the time they had to spend traveling on buses before they had the luxury of Air Force One. Josh would always find a way to get comfortable, usually with the assistance of the arm or shoulder of Donna, and get some rest even in the cramped, hard seats of the bus that everybody, especially, Toby complained about. He remembered on occasion when they reached their destination he would still be dead to the world and Donna would have to give him a good slap to the face to alert him to return to the land of the living. This behavior would just be their start down the twisted path of having one of the most unique and peculiar boss/assistant relationships.

Josh thought back to the day when he discovered her in the New Hampshire office and she entered his life. There was something special about her that morning and he admits the way she confidently hired herself struck something in him. As time passed he recognized this feeling as one of attraction and a few years later as love. But as he reminded himself earlier, he swore he would never cross that line and admit to her how he truly felt; that the revelation of such feelings from a Senior White House Staffer to his younger, beautiful blonde assistant would do nothing but harm for all parties involved. He crossed that line last night and he had to do everything he could now to backtrack and fix the mess he had created.

He lowered himself on the bed and gently placed his hand on Donna's shoulder and shook her slightly. That was all took to awaken her with a smile on her face and eyes beaming with love as she stretched her arms and sat up in bed in an effort to be closer to Josh.

"Good morning sunshine," she whispered softly as she leaned in for a morning kiss.

Not wanting to give into temptation, Josh immediately jumped off the bed before she reaches him.

"Umm… Donna you need to get dressed… as we need to have a serious talk" he said trying his best to avoid looking in her eyes, as he did not wanting to witness the hurt and confusion he knew she must be feeling.

He hands her a towel to cover herself and points to the chair where he had laid out some clothes that she had previously left at his apartment neatly on the chair.

Donna, immediately hurt by this cold reaction the morning after having quite possibly the best night of her life, grabbed the towel from his hands and coldly muttered "Thanks" as she wrapped herself in it to spare any further embarrassment .

Josh got up and left the room so she could have some privacy and retain any remaining dignity she has left.

As she is getting dressed Donna feels as if her head is spinning, she can't understand what just happened. Tears fall down her cheeks as she recalled how happy they were last night starting with Josh's failed attempt to cook a romantic dinner for the both of them, to their soul-bearing, heart-opening conversation, moving on to them sharing the most perfect, romantic first kiss snatched straight out of her favorite movie and lastly to how they spent the rest of the evening just savoring in each other's bodies as they made love through the night. She couldn't understand how is it when everything she's ever wanted had finally fallen in place, somebody seems to have stepped in and pulled the rug out from underneath her.

For the life of her she couldn't fathom what had changed but she knew one thing for sure. She was not going to leave without a proper explanation from Josh. She dried her tears and prepared herself to walk in the living room and get answers.

"Joshua Lyman, what the hell is going on?" Donna demanded as she stormed in the living room wanting answers for his behavior.

Josh had prepared some coffee for the two of them and offered it to her.

"No I don't want any coffee. I want some answers, you wanted to talk, so talk." Donna curtly said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Donna's abrupt tone startled Josh as he stumbled to repeat the words he had rehearsed all morning in his head.

"Donna, last night was a mistake and I'm sorry that it happened. We were both drinking on an empty stomach, a dangerous combination and we weren't thinking clearly."

"That's B.S. and you know it, what are you scared of Josh, why are you pushing me away?" Donna demanded.

'Gosh she knows me so well' he thought as he realized this was going to more difficult that he thought if he was going to make this work he needed to be firm.

"I'm not running away from anything I'm telling you the truth Donna, what happened last night was a terrible error in judgment, it was inappropriate and can never happen again."

Donna was about to launch into her next counter-argument when they were interrupted by the sound of a ringing phone coming from the couch where Josh had clumsily discarded his pants last night. Knowing he was answering the correct phone this time, he shot Donna an apologetic look as he answered his phone.

"Josh Lyman" he answered hastily.

"Josh, it is Leo, I'm not interrupting something am I?" Leo asked as he was surprised at the tone of Josh's voice as he answered the phone. Normally that tone was reserved for times when he had unwillingly interrupted Josh's fights with Amy, but he thought for sure that their relationship was through.

"No no… you aren't interrupting anything, what's going on?" Josh asked as he turned around and Donna flung her arms in frustration.

"I know I promised you would have the weekend off, and I know you and Donna came in yesterday, but I really need you in the office as soon as possible. A situation has come up, American citizens have been killed." Leo said apologetically, he hated to have to drag his staffers in on what would be their last weekend off before the re-election.

"Don't say anymore Leo, I'll be there as soon as I can and I'll let Donna know too" Josh said reassuringly.

"Thanks Josh, I know I can always count on you. You never let me down" Leo answered as he hung up the phone and prepared to make his rounds down the Senior Staff call sheet.

Josh turned back around to face a very angry and annoyed Donna.

"Something has come up and we need to get to the office immediately, and since they think I accidentally have your phone, I can buy you some time if you want to go home and shower first before coming in." Josh said ignorantly forgetting the seriousness of the matter they were discussing prior to Leo's call.

"Do you think you can just sleep with me, say it was just a mistake and expect me to roll over and act like nothing has changed and go back to answering to your every beck and call?"

Josh thought that the outcome Donna had just described was the one he was secretly hoping for but he knew it realistically wasn't going to happen.

"Donna, we have a job to do, we serve at the pleasure of the president and we can't let our personal problems get in the way. Leo is expecting us, something larger than us is happening right now and I can't be held up here much longer" Josh said firmly hoping to get his point across to Donna.

"Oh is that what I am to you now, an inconvenience? Because that's certainly not how you treated me last night!" Donna said angrily.

Josh tried to ignore her as he reached for his backpack and began to walk towards the door.

"Josh we can continue to have this conversation now in private, or we can continue this conversation when we get to the White House where I don't think you'd like me announcing that you bedded your young, naïve assistant."

With that Josh let go of the door handle and turned back towards Donna.

Knowing everything was on the line, she inched closer to him an in a softer, gentler tone, she whispered his name as she reached for his hand and placed it over her breaking heart.

"Tell what has changed Joshua? Can you honestly tell me you didn't feel that last night was special? That for the first time ever you felt truly alive on the inside and nothing else in the world mattered? That everything you ever wanted, imagined and ever hoped for in life finally fell into place and life finally started to make sense and have meaning?" Donna pleaded as she looked deep into Josh's eyes desperately searching for any indication he felt the same.

Josh thought to himself, 'God Donna, that's exactly how I felt, last night was perfect it awakened feelings I never knew I could feel everything felt so right.' How he wished he could express how he truly felt to her, take her back into his arms and erase the pain and hurt she was going through right now. But as right as last night felt for both of them, he struggled to remind himself that it was ultimately wrong in the political world they lived in.

It took all that he had to put on his brave face, suppress his desire to comfort Donna and pulled his hand away from Donna's grasp. "I told you already last night was a mistake, it was inappropriate and I'm sorry if you felt it was something more than it was."

Donna turned away unable to look at him, tears now running down her face. Josh hated nothing more than to see her cry, but as much as it hurt him he continued, "Remember, we can't do this, Donna, I'm your boss, and the administration can't afford another scandal! Think of the future Donna; think about what's best for the county."

Donna was trying to pull herself together and took a deep breath and turned to face Josh her face now flushed with anger.

"You're right Joshua, it was a mistake. I'm sorry too."

She went and picked her purse off his couch and gathered her clothes from the floor. Before leaving she stopped and looked Josh directly in the eyes, with a look of hatred that Josh had never seen before.

"I'm sorry that I ever allowed you in my heart and I'm a fool to have thought you could be anything but selfish, thinking nothing about other's feelings and only about yourself. If you continue to push everybody away one morning you are going to wake up and realize how alone you really are and when that day comes don't expect me to be waiting. I'm done waiting for you Josh; just remember you are the one that threw happiness away."

Josh was taken aback by her words, not knowing how to respond, mostly because he knew she was right.

As she turned the door handle, she paused to say one last thing. "Oh Boss, one last thing I don't think I'll be able to make it in the office today I'm feeling kind of sick to my stomach, probably due to something rotten that I ate last night. So I guess you will have to find some other gullible fool to answer your phone and perform your grunt work today."

With that Donna left as she slammed the door, leaving Josh alone to clean his spaghetti-splattered apartment and for the first time, since she had returned to the campaign managed the rest of his work day without her assistance


	6. Chapter 6

Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (6?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there. It know it's heavy on the angst right now…. But remember good things happen to those who wait, so please be patient. 

Feedback: ; I love it and like to hear what people are thinking both good and bad… let me know!

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth!

Josh remembered when Donna showed up to work the next Monday and she acted as professional as possible. An outsider looking in on their relationship would probably see nothing wrong with it, as they seemed to have a normal boss/assistant dynamic. However everybody else working in the West Wing definitely noticed the drastic change in behavior between the two of them. The sexually-charged banter was gone and the constant laughter emerging from Josh's office was virtually non-existent. Josh even learned to use the intercom when he needed to speak to Donna. It just seemed more appropriate to use it, rather than calling out to her, given the change in their relationship.

Nobody dared asked them what was wrong or what had facilitated the rapid change. Although rumors circulated that Toby had bribed Sam $250.00 to ask Josh what the hell had happened between them but at the last minute Sam chickened out for fear that Josh would beat the crap out of him, Considering, the way he had been acting that was probably true. C.J also had her suspicions and figured that the voice she swore she heard that Saturday morning must have been Amy's, which could account for why Donna was so pissed off at Josh when she came back to work that week. But when Josh showed up at the Truman Gala alone, she assumed she was wrong about his renewed romance with Amy or maybe it was just a one last fling. 

Donna's cold shoulder and strict professionalism was killing Josh. He hated what he had done to her and the damage he caused their relationship. But he kept rationalizing to himself that it was for the best and he had no other choice. Nonetheless it made him miserable that Donna was always so sad and that positive vibe that used to emanate from her was gone. He knew he had to something to cheer her up and take away some of the guilt he was feeling over his recent actions.

When he met the newly appointed Naval Officer Jack Reese at a National Security briefing he knew that he would be the perfect distraction for Donna. After being around Donna for so many years, he knew exactly what her "type" of men were, after all he had to make sure those men were always kept far away from Donna by any means necessary.

Jack Reese was definitely her type, cute, tall, and Republican. At first Jack thought Josh was crazy when called him into his office and insisted that he take Donna out to dinner on Saturday. Even recommending to him what Donna's favorite restaurants were and night clubs she enjoyed to ensure their date would be a success.

This odd behavior definitely made Jack suspicious and he immediately thought that Josh was just trying to sabotage his career at the White House since it was a well known fact that Josh Lyman was curiously overly protective of his cute, blonde assistant and wasn't fond of many Republicans. Jack remembered the warnings he got from other assistants and fellow Navy officers that the worse mistake he could make while he was working closely with members of the Senior Staff would be to hit on Donna Moss. That by doing so, he was just asking for trouble or at the very least a ticket out of the county and back on a ship.

"She's a beautiful woman, very intelligent and extremely funny. She's worked with me for the past five years and I can't tell you how valuable she's been to me. I'm mean she's had her blonde moments, one time she nearly got arrested when she got her arm stuck in a mailbox trying to retrieve a letter she wrote to Ilie Nastase Then about 2 years ago she left her underwear, which oddly enough had her name stitched in them, at an art opening. The underwear was then mailed to me here at the White House which made for an interesting story as I tried to explain to the Press Secretary why she had caught me holding my assistant's pink panties in the middle of the West Wing in front of a dozen staffers." Josh paused as he tried to get himself back on topic in convincing Jack on reason why he should want to date Donna, not reasons to think she was crazy.

"Anyways her full name is Donnatella by the way and her mom's Italian and her dad's Irish. Some words of advice for you, never let her place any sporting events bets for you, she always loses and stay away from her roommate's cat, its evil I tell you. But honestly you couldn't find a more caring, compassionate woman than Donna; she's a friend to many around here."

"Mr. Lyman, she sounds like the perfect woman, but with me being new here and not wanting to cause trouble I'm a little confused about your intentions and I don't want to be stepping in the middle of something." Jack said nervously, still confused about the odd situation he found himself him.

"Oh no Jack, you seem to have misunderstood my relationship with Donna. You won't be stepping in the middle of anything because despite what you may have heard in the past Donna is just my assistant and friend and there's absolutely nothing is going on between us." Josh said trying to sound convincing.

"With all due respect Mr. Lyman, I have had the same assistant for 7 years and I honestly couldn't share one story about her as you have about Donna."

Trying to avert suspicion of himself he continued, "Well then you must take Donna out yourself and see why she's so special then."

"Well I'll think about it Josh." Jack finally conceded if for no other reason to shut Josh up. It was getting very awkward to have the Deputy Chief of Staff playing matchmaker for his assistant.

After all it wasn't as though Josh was trying to strong-arm him into dating some boring, hideous, overweight staffer; this was Donna Moss he was talking about a drop dead knockout that he knew plenty of other men would kill to date. He decided to seize the opportunity and approach her on his way out.

"Hi Donna, I know we just met briefly earlier, but I must say that that color sweater looks beautiful on you as it complements your gorgeous eyes very well." Jack said in his most smooth tone.

Donna smiled, she couldn't remember the last time she got a complement. She had seen the young, strapping naval officer for a few moments earlier while he was waiting for Josh. She had defiantly noticed how handsome he was and had thought if she had met him a month ago she would have definitely been interested in inquiring if he was available. But after everything she had just been through with Josh she was in no rush to jump into a relationship with another man, no matter how cute his smile was.

"Thanks" she politely replied as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. No guy had ever hit on her before in the West Wing; Josh's jealous reputation had made sure of that. 

"I know this might sound forward, but I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me this weekend at the Blue Lagoon, I hear the lobster there is excellent."

Donna hesitated as she was taken aback at his unexpected request. "Umm.. Mr. Reese, I'm flattered at your offer but I'm just getting over some jerk who hurt me deeply and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to date again. I'm sorry, but I'm sure you know how it is."

Horribly embarrassed Jack apologized as well, "Wow Donna, I'm terribly sorry and I hope you believe me when I tell you that I had absolutely no idea. I just met with Josh and he mentioned that the Blue Lagoon was your favorite restaurant and encouraged me to ask you out to dinner there this weekend. I guess being the new guy here I just stepped in one of his little mind-games I hear so much about, I'm sorry you got dragged in it."

Donna was furious at Josh, '"How dare he play match-maker after stomping all over my heart!'" she thought. Even more troubling was the memory that The Blue Lagoon was she and Josh's special restaurant as he had taken her there every year on her birthday for the past 3 years. She was hurt that he would even suggest to Jack that he should take her there on a date knowing the sentimentality associated with that special place.

She shot a glance over to Josh's office as she watched him shift his head rapidly in the opposite direction to try to cover up the fact that he had definitely been eavesdropping on their conversation. Not wanting to be played by Josh any longer she called out to Jack and stopped him from leaving.

"Jack, come back please."

Jack walked slowly back towards her desk, "Again I'm so sorry about my overt request earlier. I really hoped you weren't offended by it."

Donna stood up from her desk to face Jack and so that her actions would be very visible to Josh whom she knew was still spying on her. She placed her left hand and lightly touched Jack's shoulder.

"No I'm sorry Mr. Reese, I really shouldn't have blown you off like that. You seem like a nice man and true gentleman and if the invitation is still open I would like to go to dinner with you and get to know you better this weekend. Perhaps a night on the town is just the remedy I need to get over my heartache."

Jack smiled, pleased at the turn of events. "Of course the invitation is still open, I'll pick you up around 9?"

Donna smiled back, "Sounds great, I look forward to it."

As Jack left and Donna returned to her desk she took another quick glance in Josh's direction who once again quickly tried to avert his gaze and did his best to pretend he had been working the entire time. Not wanting to play these games with Josh any longer, she focused her attention back on work, but still wondered in the back of her mind whether she truly made the right decision in agreeing to date Jack or if it was still too soon.

To her surprise she found that she had tremendously enjoyed her dinner with Jack at the Blue Lagoon that weekend, he was nice, funny and sensitive to her feelings, unlike Josh. As the weeks followed, Donna continued to go out with Jack and found herself coming back to life as she threw herself 100 into their relationship. She felt that she had begun the healing process from the Lyman Heartbreak Hotel, and as she set out on this journey, the tension between her and Josh slowly began to diminish. It was nothing close to how their relationship was before, the playful banter and teasing were still gone, but they were at least civil with each other and had an occasional laugh and smile so they weren't making each other miserable at work.

Then the unthinkable happened, just four months after they began dating Jack popped the big questions to Donna on Valentine's Day, and to Josh's dismay she accepted. This event was the catalyst that shifted their dynamic back into the negative. Josh struggled internally to accept the fact that he had no right to be upset over the announcement and that he should be happy for her, after all, she was still his friend. Donna on the other hand had become obsessed with planning her perfect wedding and she began to become absent minded with things at work that used to come so naturally and easy to her.

But never like today, Josh was so angry and he felt he had a right to be. He thought it all over in him mind again '"How could she give me the wrong location, give me the wrong briefing material? Doesn't she care about anything else other than becoming Mrs. Jack Reese?'"

And with that thought he heard the sound of paper shuffling coming from Donna's desk meaning that she'd finally returned to from her last-minute wedding planning session. Knowing this confrontation was not going to go so well he decided to postpone their discussion until later as they both had work to catch up on. Maybe if he waited until before she left his words would be more effective and perhaps she would leave thinking about how she screwed him over this morning instead of spending the night screwing with Commander Wonderful.

"Donna, please come into my office." he said coldly into the intercom.

She slowly came into his office, "Yes?" she asked.

"Be sure to stop by my office before your little rendezvous tonight as we have some important matters to discuss that actually affect policy and this Administration." Josh continued with his voice as cold as ice. 

Donna was startled by his statement and his cold behavior towards her. She was confused as she struggled to think about what she could have done wrong to make Josh so angry.

"Can't we just talk about this now since it seems important and I rather get it over with?" she asked, but Josh shook his head in disagreement. 

"Believe me it is important, but right now we have work to do and I'd rather not get into it. Since you were gone most of this afternoon, I'm sure you have plenty to catch up on".

As Donna got up to leave, Josh muttered. "Shut the door on your way out."

She obliged his request, and once Josh found himself facing the other side of his door alone. In an angry rage he threw all the papers off his desk and proceeded to he run his fingers nervously through his hair. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down, he had never been this angry or frustrated before.

After today's fiasco he knew he couldn't go on like this much longer and he had to put a stop to this. He couldn't allow himself to become emotional right now, he needed to stay focused. He needed to be strong and prepare himself for what he was going to have to do. As much as it pained him, tonight was the night he was going to fire Donna Moss.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (7?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there.

Feedback: Want it, need it.. crave it .. I haven't been getting much feedback from the past few chapters… I hope people are still reading it and enjoying it!

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth , she is the best!

Josh had been behind closed doors all afternoon, not so much working but thinking. Thinking about the future and whether he was doing the right thing by firing Donna. Asking himself, whether he could survive professionally without her by his side and more importantly whether he could go on and live his life without her sharing any part of it.

Looking back, he honestly didn't expect Jack's relationship with Donna to go very far. He thought Jack would just be another gomer in the revolving door of Donna's love life, someone to help take away the pain he caused and make her smile again. It had killed him to watch her miserable day in and day out the weeks following their fight, so he had set her up with Jack as a temporary solution to lift her spirits. Never would he have imagined that Jack would propose after only 3 months of dating of dating her, or that Donna would have accept his offer.

It made him sick as he as he thought about the future, how he'd have to watch as she married somebody who was not him, having kids with somebody that was not him and that she'll be growing old with somebody that was not him. Deep down he knew he really didn't have a right to feel this way. Donna had been right all along, he was selfish and it was entirely his fault that things were the way they were. But what else could he do? He knew he couldn't just leave the White House and run off into the sunset with his beautiful assistant, the world didn't work that way no matter how much he wanted it to. He reasoned to himself that since situations prevented him from being with Donna in the way he truly wanted to; perhaps it was better for them not to be in each other's lives all. That way they could both could truly move on with their lives, however lonely it may be for him.

Josh's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, which he knew had to be Donna, since both Toby and Leo had stopped by earlier and expressed their utter disappointment in his failed efforts at the meeting with Congressman Jackson earlier.

"You wanted to see me before I left?" Donna asked timidly.

"Yes I did, please have a seat." Josh said calmly as he reached into his backpack and pulled out the red folder Donna had given him this morning.

Donna reluctantly took a seat and feared what was coming next. She recognized the tone and behavior of Josh; it was the way he acts right before he rips into a Congressman for screwing him over on a bill or vote. She quickly tried to recall anything she may have screwed up recently to cause this late-night meeting, but her mind drew a blank.

"Did you prepare for me the notes on the health care estimates over the next 10 years like I had asked you to earlier this week?"

Donna replied nervously, "Yes I did, it took me over 7 hrs to compile all the data."

"Do you remember giving me those briefing notes and estimates this morning before my meeting with Congressman Jackson?"

"Yes I do, Josh. I put them in your backpack myself this morning."

"Didn't you also tell me that my meeting was at OMB 3215?"

"I believe so, although I would have to check my calendar to be sure."

Josh raised his voice, "Well the meeting was not at OMB 3215, but rather 13215."

Donna gasped; she had never Josh the wrong location before and was mortified at her mistake. Before she had an opportunity to apologize for her actions, he continued his rant.

"When it was determined that I had the wrong location, I tried to call you to find out what the correct location was. But your line was busy and I was unable to reach you because as it turns out you were on the phone on a personal call to a local wedding dress designer's office as White House Phone records show."

Donna didn't know what to say, she was ashamed of her actions. She bit her lower lip nervously as she thought to herself that the situation couldn't get any worse.

"I then had to run up 10 flights of stairs and apologize to already grumpy Republican congressmen why I was 10 minutes late to one of the most important meetings of my life."

Donna attempted again to interrupt him to try to apologize profusely for her errors but he stopped her.

"No wait, it gets better." Josh said with a maniacal smile and slight laugh.

"As I pull out my notes to discuss the 10 years projection that you insist you compiled for me, I discovered that something was terribly wrong."

Donna panicked as she wondered if she had incorrectly tabulated the figures or that she had put a decimal or comma in a wrong place.

Josh slammed the red folder he held in his hand on his desk right in front of Donna.

"Open it." he said coldly.

Donna reached over and opened the folder and to her utter dismay found the missing wedding planning documents she was sure she had left at home. The realization of the situation sunk in and suddenly Donna felt sick to her stomach. She had always taken great pride in her work and she knew how important this meeting was for Josh and the entire administration. She couldn't believe what a terrible mistake she had made and didn't how to even start to apologize for what she had done.

"Instead of finding the aforementioned estimates you promise you compiled for me and placed in my backpack this morning, I find the figures to the Moss-Reese wedding extravaganza." Josh shouted not afraid to express his annoyance and frustration at her actions.

"I'm so sorry Josh. I can't even begin to describe how terrible I feel for putting you in this position. I don't know how this happened but I will call the Congressman myself tomorrow and apologize to him and explain it was entirely my fault this all happened. I'll fix this."

"That's pointless, the only way he opens discussion about this bill again is if the President speaks to him directly."

He paused for a moment before continuing in a softer tone.

"Besides you will not be here tomorrow to make any calls."

Donna looked at Josh confused, "What do you mean I won't be here tomorrow? Are you suspending me, or sending me somewhere else as penance for my actions?"

"No, Donna you won't be here tomorrow because you are fired."

A lingering silence filled the room as Donna struggled to process what Josh had just said and Josh struggled to continue what he set out to do knowing he could not turn back.

"I need somebody that actually cares about their job and knows the importance of the position I hold." Josh said coldly as he looked down at his desk unable to face Donna.

"You're firing me?" Donna asked stunned.

"Yes I am. Your mistake is going to cost us dearly and we may never get a second chance to pass this health care bill. Like I said, I need somebody that I can count on, and it's obviously no longer you. If we can't have your full attention, then we don't need you here at all."

Donna was taken aback, she knew she had made a terrible mistake but she didn't feel she should be fired over it. Josh had made plenty of mistakes himself and he still had his job. She didn't know if she wanted to cry or scream, she was both sad and angry at the same time.

"I made a mistake Josh, I'll admit that. But I don't think that is the real issue here. I think what you meant is if YOU can't have my full attention, then you don't want me here."

"Excuse me? Don't even try to make this about me, when you were the one who screwed up." Josh said outraged at her accusation even though he knew it was more or less true.

"Yes I screwed up, reprimand me, suspend me for a week for my actions, but don't use this as an excuse to get back at me for what happened between us personally."

She looked for a response from Josh, but was met with silence, so she continued.

"You have been treating me horribly since I announced my engagement to Jack. Questioning all my actions, making me work late, assigning me extra work and acting like I'm some junior assistant you have the right to push around, I deserve more than this."

Josh wanted to justify his actions but he found he didn't know where to begin or how to spin it because he knew she was right, he at least owed her the opportunity for her to say what was on her mind.

Still not getting a response from Josh, Donna got up from her chair and stood up to get right in Josh's face, her frustration and anger at an all time high. She was no longer his assistant anymore, so she could say exactly what was on her mind and let everything out that she had held inside for so very long.

"If you are unhappy about how things turned out, then I suggest you look in the mirror. YOU were the one who didn't want me, YOU were the one who told me it was all a mistake, YOU were the one who threw our one chance at happiness out the window for the sake of the Administration and on top of it YOU were the one who insisted Jack ask me out in the first place, and none other than to our favorite restaurant. So if you are angry at yourself that's perfectly fine but please don't take it out on me."

Josh couldn't look at her, and found he was still at a loss of words. A 760 on his SAT verbal and he didn't know how to respond to her entirely right accusations.

"You're punishing me for being happy, for finding love after you recklessly broke my heart. Jack makes me happy, he makes me feel secure and most of all he loves me back. I pity you Joshua. You shut everybody out afraid of letting them in your heart because you think you might lose them someday. But look around Josh, you have a family here that cares about you and is worried about you but I don't think you realize that they won't be around forever. You continuously shut them out, and one by one they will drop out of your life until one day you look around and realize that you have lost everybody and find that nobody still cares."

Donna took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down as she continued in a softer tone.

"I'll leave right now Josh, walk out of this office and out of your life for good unless you have something else to say to me. I deserve better for myself both personally and professionally. So fire me if it makes you feel better, but remember it doesn't change the future. Because in 3 weeks I'll be Mrs. Jack Reese and you will still be going home to your empty apartment… alone."

Josh finally looked up and met Donna's intense gaze, noticing how her eyes were desperately fighting to hold back the tears it was so wanted to release.

Unable to disagree with anything she said, he simply answered, "Fine."

Visibly hurt by yet another rejection from Josh, Donna simply nodded her head in response to his comment. She took another deep breath and slowly picked up her purse from the floor and began to walk out of his office.

As she stood in the doorway, she turned around to take one last look at the office that had been her home for the past 4 years and address Josh for the last time.

"Have a nice life, Joshua and I want you to wish the best of luck to the poor soul who takes my place, Lord knows they are definitely going to need it."

With that Donna ran out of the White House as fast as she could not even looking back to see how Josh reacted to her departure or to her final comments. She just wanted to get as far away from Josh as she could and get back home to Jack who would comfort her and help take away the pain she was experiencing right now. She needed to be reminded that she was loved, wanted and appreciated by somebody.

As she drove to Jack's, she felt her hands tremble as she tried to grasp the steering wheel and retain control of car. She found herself re-living her fight with Josh over and over in her head making it difficult to concentrate on the road. The shock of entire conversation still overwhelmed her, she couldn't believe that Josh had fired her and couldn't believe she said such hurtful things to him. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't. As much as she loved and cared for Jack, she knew that deep down Josh would always have a piece of her heart.

As the conversation replayed itself in her mind, she felt a twinge of guilt for the hurtful things she said to Josh, a feeling that refused to go away. She didn't mean to hurt him, but she was angry and upset. At the time all she wanted to do was to hurt him just like he had hurt her. She wanted make him feel the same pain that he had caused her.

As she waited at the red light on Washington Avenue to turn left onto Jack's street she pulled her phone out of her purse and debated whether she should call Josh and apologize. She pushed the "2" on her speed-dial but found she lacked the courage to connect the call. She shook her head and put the phone down on the passenger seat next to her. She told herself she was not going to give him the satisfaction and found her anger towards Josh renewed again. She reminded herself that she was no longer his puppet; he was no longer her concern. Mad at herself for almost giving in and unable to contain the tears she had been holding back, she hit the gas once the light turned green. Blinded by her emotions and eager to escape from her pain, Donna did not see the car racing down the street in the opposite direction, with a drunk driver who had no intention of stopping for any red light.

Before she knew what was going on, the other car plowed into her side causing her compact car to flip over twice before coming to a stop where everything around her faded to black.

------ 

Meanwhile Josh was still in his office trying to process everything that had occurred this evening. Did Donna really mean everything she said? Had he hurt her that much? He thought to himself that it wasn't ever supposed to turn out like this. All he ever wanted to do was to protect her, to shield her from being hurt. But somehow he had made a mess of everything; as he never intended to be the one who caused her the most pain.

He wondered if he should call her and apologize to her, not just for his actions tonight but his actions for the past couple of months. Or perhaps he should just send her the largest floral arrangement ever created and grovel at her feet for her forgiveness. He didn't know what to do but he knew he had to do something to try to undo the pain he had caused them both; he couldn't let things between them end this way.

As fate would have it he felt his cell-phone vibrate, and his heart leapt as he noticed the caller ID, "Donna Cell." He was excited that he going to get his second chance. He swore this time he was going to stop being a jerk and treat her with the respect she deserved. He prayed that somewhere deep down in that caring heart of hers she could find the strength to forgive him for how he had treated her and that she would believe his promise to change. 

"Before you say anything Donna, I want to tell you that I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for hurting you, sorry for the spiteful things I've said to you, and most of all sorry for the careless way I've treated you the past few months. I've been a jealous jackass; I haven't meant anything I've said to you. You're right I shut everybody out and I'm afraid of love because I'm afraid of losing people. But I've been wrong, and it's cost me everything and I'm going to change. Please come back to work tomorrow, give me another chance. Also I can't fire you, you're impervious remember?" Josh finished with a nervous laugh anxiously waiting for her reaction, since he let it all tumble out of him, and didn't allow for any interruptions during his heartfelt declaration.

However, instead of hearing Donna's sweet voice, he was greeted by a stranger.

"Mr. Lyman, my name is Scott and I'm a paramedic with George Washington Hospital. You are listed as Donnatella Moss's in case of emergency contact on her cell phone and her planner. I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you this sir, but Ms. Moss has been involved in a serious car accident and is being transported as we speak to the hospital."

Josh felt a heavy feeling come over his heart and found it difficult to breathe, unable to process what was going on.

"Mr. Lyman, did you hear me? Ms. Moss is in critical condition as a result of a terrible drunk-driving accident that occurred on the corner of Washington Avenue at around 10:45pm. We need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible and notify any other family she may have in the area."

The realization of the situation finally sunk it for Josh as he struggled to find to words to speak. "Yes sir I understand, I'm on my way. Please promise that you will do everything you can to save her, I can't lose her."

He paused for a moment and in a softer whisper continued his plea, "I love her."

"I'm very sorry for your pain Mr. Lyman. Believe me, we will do everything in our power to help Ms. Moss. But I strongly suggest sir that you get to the hospital as quickly as possible as I'm not sure how much longer she will be able to hold on."

With that Josh hung up the phone and grabbed his coat and rushed to George Washington Hospital, praying to God as he never done before, that he would get to her before it was too late.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (8?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there.

Feedback: Want it, need it.. crave it! I appreciate all the feedback I got the last chapter. Please keep it up, it really motivates me and makes me glad that people are actually reading what I write! 

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth, she is the best!

-------------------------  
12am; George Washington Hospital

Josh slammed his car into park as he rushed to the Emergency Room, hoping that he'd arrived in time He recalled the promise that he had Donna made years ago, an understanding that if either of them were in an accident nothing would stand in their way from being there for each other. He fully upheld that promise as he had ran through 3 stop signs, 2 red lights and drove 15 miles over the speed limit in his effort to rush to get to Donna's side.

As he reached the hospital doors, he took a deep breath and pushed them open; both anxious and afraid of what he would find behind them.

"Donnatella Moss…... where is she?" Josh demanded, interrupting the nurse at the desk as she spoke to another nurse.

"Well just hold on a minute sir… let me check the charts." she calmly stated not even taking the time to look up at Josh.

Josh tapped his foot impatiently, he couldn't understand how the nurse didn't realize just how important of a matter this was and that Donna shouldn't be treated just like any other patient, she was special.

"Let me help you out, she's about 27 and 5'11. She's blonde, has alabaster skin, and blue eyes and did I also mention that she works closely with the President of the United States?"

The nurse finally looked up at Josh, annoyed and obviously not impressed by Josh's words. "Please calm down sir, I understand that you're concerned about your friend but raising your voice at me is not going to help matters."

Growing increasingly more frustrated, Josh ran his hands through his hair and took another deep breath to try to calm down while his heart continued to race. "I'm sorry. My name is Joshua Lyman, I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff to the President. About half an hour ago I was called by a paramedic named Scott who told me that Ms. Moss was involved a serious car accident and that I should rush to this hospital as soon as possible. So hence I'm here now and need to know what is going on."

"Well I don't see Ms. Moss listed on any of these charts, perhaps she just arrived and the doctors still have her information. So I suggest that you have a seat in the waiting area and I'll see if I can get somebody out here to help you."

Josh snapped, he had tried to be nice and tried to be polite but obviously it was not going anywhere. He slammed his fist on the counter.

"No you don't seem to understand lady, I need answers now! Like I said earlier, I work closely for the President, which makes me a pretty important person for you to be giving the shaft. I want somebody here now who can tell me what is going on with Donnatella Moss!"

Josh immediately felt bad about his outburst, he didn't mean for it all to come out like that. He looked around the lobby and saw that all eyes were on him. Embarrassed at his actions, he started to walk towards the waiting room, when a voice called out to him.

"Mr. Lyman?"

Josh turned around and slowly lifted his head to face the doctor, afraid of the news he was about to give him.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting sir, would you please follow me?" 

Josh felt a huge weight press against his heart, deep down he knew that what was coming next could not be good news. He felt the tears start to pool in his eyes as he struggled to pull himself together to hear what the doctor had to say hoping that his instincts were wrong. 

"Mr. Lyman, there is never an easy way to say this, but Ms. Moss suffered significant complications as a result of the injuries that she sustained in the car accident. The paramedics did their best to stabilize her pressure and control the bleeding but unfortunately they were not successful. I've very sorry to have to tell you this, but Ms. Moss passed away en route to the hospital."

The world around him froze as Josh processed the news that the woman he loved was gone. He stood alone and shocked in the hospital hallway for a good half an hour before the thought that that he should probably call Donna's family in Wisconsin and probably Jack, entered his head. He was mad at himself for not thinking about getting in touch with them sooner. It was very selfish of him to think that he was the only one who cared about Donna would be upset she was gone.

Josh pulled out his cell phone and made the call to Donna's family. He didn't know what to say, other than how sorry he was. They agreed that it would be best for them to call Jack. He told them how he would call them as soon as he knew anything about releasing Donna to the funeral home.

Eventually Josh found the strength to leave the hospital and return to his lonely apartment. Soon CJ, Sam, Toby, and Leo all arrived and tried to offer words of condolences to him but he wasn't listening. Even the President and the First Lady came to offer their support. President Barlett tried to commiserate with Josh, telling him he knew what it was like to lose somebody close to him to a reckless drunk driver. He tried to explain that he went through the same pain and anger he was feeling when Mrs. Landingham was killed last year. But it was not the same Josh argued, he had a different relationship with Donna than the President did with Mrs. Landingham, President Bartlett had not been in love with her like Josh was with Donna.

Everybody insisted they understood, but nobody could really understand what he was feeling inside. He felt that he had caused Donna's death tonight because of the pain he put her through. Had she been in any state to drive after their fight? It was obvious she was pretty upset when she left his office. Maybe if they hadn't had that argument, then maybe she would have not been distracted and maybe she would have seen that other car and avoided it and maybe then she would then still be alive.

Although his closest friends surrounded him, Josh never felt so alone in his life. All he could do was think about how he wanted a second chance in life. It just wasn't supposed to end this way for Donna and him. He thought that if he could only turn back time, even for just one day, he promised he would do everything he possibly could to make things right. He'd make up for his past mistakes and poor behavior, he'd let Donna know how he really felt about her and he'd do everything in his power to save her from the fate she met tonight. 

One by one everybody started to go home knowing that there wasn't anything further they could do for Josh or Donna that evening. Once everybody was gone, and the door was locked, he made his way to his closet to find an item long since forgotten. He dug around until he found what he was looking for, a tattered brown teddy bear named Mr. Rogers.

He grabbed the old teddy bear and curled up on his bed. He held the bear close to his heart which provided him some comfort as his thoughts drifted from the awful events of tonight back to the night Donna gave him this bear and they shared a tender moment.

-----   
_Flashback, Josh's apartment 4 months after his shooting._

"Donna, I told you already a hundred times I'll be fine." Josh insisted as tried to convince Donna to leave his apartment.

"Josh are you absolutely sure? You haven't spent a night alone since you got out of the hospital. What if you need something? What if you forget I'm not here? What if you get one of your nightmares?" Donna asked as she followed him around his apartment worried about leaving him alone.

"Like I said, I'll be fine. I can walk, stand and pee all by myself, so I think that I'll be ok. Maybe I'll actually get a good night's rest now that I won't have you around nagging me all the time and hogging all the blankets in bed." Josh teased.

Donna shot him a look that said she was not amused. She took Josh's rehab seriously and even though she was not his mother or even his girlfriend she worried about him constantly.

"Besides Donna, think about it. If you never leave, how will you ever have a chance to miss me?"

Donna scowl transformed into a smile as she rolled her eyes in response to his comment.

"What, I would miss the snoring that would keep me up half the night and the drool puddles I'd find on my pillow every morning?"

Josh pretended to be hurt, "For the hundredth time Donna, I told you I do not snore and I don't know why your pillow is wet every morning. Did you ever stop to think that perhaps it's because of your spend the entire night dreaming of me, 'cause I have been known to have that effect on women."

Donna slapped him on the arm as she blushed slightly and he broke out in a huge grin.

"Please Joshua don't flatter yourself; there are plenty of other men that occupy my dreams and you definitely aren't one of them."

That was a lie and Donna knew it, the more time she spent living together with Josh and sharing the same bed as him, the more she found herself thinking about Josh in a way she knew she wasn't supposed to. 

After his shooting she realized that her feelings for him weren't purely platonic, that somehow along the way she had fallen in love with him. During the day she did her best to purge these improper thoughts from her mind, but at night, as she slept in Josh's arms, she allowed herself to dream and imagine how life could be if he wasn't her boss and they didn't work at the White House.

"Well Donna, I'm sure you are going to enjoy sleeping in your own bed again with your soft Egyptian cotton sheets and throw pillows and all. It will be nice for me to, although I admit I'm going to be quite lonely in bed without you."

As soon as he said it, Josh turned around so that Donna couldn't see him face as he bit his lip and blushed with embarrassment. He didn't mean for that last part to get out, he didn't realize he had been thinking out loud.

It was certainly true, he wasn't denying it. Josh had grown accustomed to Donna being in his bed. At first it had been awkward for both of them, Donna only agreeing to the sleeping conditions because Josh needed her close and he was too weak to shout to Donna on the couch.

It began with both of them sleeping as far away from each other as possible, making sure to keep on their own side of the bed. But as time passed, the distance between them grew smaller and smaller and eventually Josh woke up every morning with his arms wrapped firmly around her and his head lying softly on her pillow where he embarrassingly would leave a spot of drool ever morning, even though he'd never admit it to Donna.

An awkward silence followed Josh's admission. Neither of them wanted to acknowledge what it meant or recognize the feelings behind it. Wanting to break the tension, Donna took the opportunity to give Josh a small gift bag she had been holding behind her back.

"I brought you something special, to help you get through the night since you are kicking me out."

Josh smiled as he eagerly took the bag from Donna's hand and placed it gently on the table as he un-wrapped its contents.

He shot Donna a confused look, as he pulled out a old, tattered brown teddy bear.

"You brought me a ratty old toy to help me get through the night?" 

Donna was offended as she snatched the bear from Josh's hand and held it close to her heart.

"Mr. Rogers is not some ratty old toy Joshua; he is a very special person".

Josh let out a slight laugh, "Mr. Rogers? You named the bear Mr. Rogers?"

"Yes I did, when I was six years old Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was my favorite show, so I named the bear after Mr. Rogers."

Josh looked at Donna to continue; he knew where this was going and knew he was in store for a story from her past.

"When I was 6, I had my tonsils taken out and had to stay in the hospital over night. I was scared and I didn't want to be alone, I wanted to sleep in my own bed surrounded my all my other stuffed friends. So my dad went into the hospital gift shop and found this bear and gave it to me. He told me that if I felt lonely, scared or sad to hug the bear really tight and remember that he loved me and that everything would be ok in the morning. So that night I held Mr. Rogers close and thought about what my dad said and when I woke up the next morning everything was ok and I was able to go home that afternoon. Mr. Rogers has been at my bedside ever night since then."

She paused as she handed the teddy-bear back over to Josh. "I want you to have Mr. Rogers, he'll keep you company now that I'm not going to be around. If you feel lonely, lost or scared in the middle of the night, I want you to hold him close and remember that I care about you and that everything will be alright in the morning."

Josh smiled, he was genuinely touched by Donna's gesture, no matter how cheesy it was. He held the bear close to his heart and whispered "Thanks."

Donna smiled in return as Josh reached over and wrapped himself around her in a warm embrace and whispered softly in her ear.

"What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful woman like you in my life?" 

Donna just shrugged her shoulders, she didn't ever want Josh to let go. It felt so right being in his arms.

She felt a small pool of tears collect in her eyes as they reluctantly broke their embrace and Donna collected her things and prepared to go home alone.

"Take good care of Mr. Rogers. Remember what I told you and when I'm not around he's in charge and remember he doesn't bring you coffee either."

Josh nodded his head in agreement and placed a soft kiss on her forehead and she stood in the doorway, both of them not wanting to end their tender moment they were sharing.

"Goodnight Joshua"

"Goodnight Donnatella"

------------- 

As the memory faded, Josh held Mr. Rogers closer. If he really concentrated he found that he could still smell the sweet scent of Donna's shampoo on the bear. He closed his eyes and thought back to Donna's words that if he held the bear close to his heart all night, maybe somehow he'd awaken in the morning and everything would be alright.

Feedback please……


	9. Chapter 9

Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (9/13)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there.

Feedback: Want it, need it.. crave it! I appreciate all the feedback I got the last chapter. Please keep it up, it really motivates me and makes me glad that people are actually reading what I write! 

No copyright infringement intended. The characters belong to NBC, the song belongs to Cher

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth, she is the best!

------------------------

Josh groaned as he rubbed his eyes, still swollen from the tears he cried all night. For a brief moment he thought that maybe the past twenty-four hours had all been a dream, a terrible nightmare and when he got up just maybe Donna would still be around to greet him when he got to his office. But as he looked down at what he was holding in his hands, Donna's tattered brown teddy Mr. Rogers, he knew the world he feared was a reality and that the woman he loved was gone. 

The previous night's events seemed to all blur together. He remembered the fight he had with Donna and the terrible things they said to each other. He remembered moping in his office angry at himself for the way he had been treating Donna and allowing their relationship to fall in such disarray because of his insecurities and fears. He remembered promising himself that he would find a way to fix matters with Donna and apologize for his behavior and the hurt he caused. But that was before he got the call that changed his life, before he knew he was going to be robbed of any chance to fix his mistakes. A new wave of guilt washed over him as these events kept replaying and replaying in his head, he held the teddy bear tighter and closed his eyes as he fought the urge to slam his hand through the nearest window to try to end his pain.

The tension broke as Josh's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of music emerging from his alarm clock.

'If I could turn back time…If I could find a way…'

Josh rolled to the other side of the bed and placed his pillow over his head not wanting to exert the energy to shut of his radio alarm, which continued to grow progressively louder.

'I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay.'

Since it was a Saturday, why his alarm was going off in the first place was a mystery to Josh as he only sets it to go off on weekdays. But Josh had bigger things to worry about than his malfunctioning alarm clock, like how he was going to live his life without Donna being a part of it.

"I don't know why I did the things I did…. I don't know why I said the things I said"

The guilt continued to eat at him. How could he let Donna die without her knowing how he really felt about her and how much he valued her both personally and professionally?

'I didn't mean to hurt you… I didn't wanna see you go… I know I made you cry… but baby..'

She had given him a chance to explain himself and to take back the awful words he had said to her. But he was a coward and he let his stubborn ego win, so he let her walk out of his office and unknowingly out of his life completely.

As the chorus of the song repeated, he realized that he had awoken to the same song yesterday and how it was odd that it was being repeated again today at roughly the same time. He listened carefully to the words and related to them in way he had never done before, sharing the wish that if only it was possible to turn back time.

'My world was shattered, I was torn apart.  
Like some took a knife and drove it deep into my heart.  
You walked out that door, I swore that I didn't care  
but I lost everything darling then and there'

Josh turned to face his alarm clock as he continued to listen intently, still holding Donna's teddy close. He could see how some people could find comfort in music, even if it was Cher singing, her words provided him some relief and made him feel that somebody understood how he felt inside.

'To strong to tell you I was sorry  
Too proud to tell you I was wrong  
I know that I was blind and ooh…

If I could turn back time  
If I could find a way'

The song faded as the chorus continued to repeat itself, Josh was grateful for the momentarily respite it provided him from his grief as he resigned himself to spending the rest of the day sulking in bed.

"Good Morning D.C., it's Friday the 13th and you know what that means! Stay away from black cats and don't walk under ladders, weird things happen today so be prepared."

Josh rubbed his ears, not quite believing what he just heard. Did he just say it was Friday the 13th, didn't he just hear this speech yesterday? How is this even possible? He lied in bed confused, as the D.J continued his morning talk.

"That last song goes out to Josh, from an anonymous admirer who says it's never too late to fix your mistakes. Sometimes miracles do happen and we get a second chance with the ones we love. Josh if you are listening, I hope you savor your second chance buddy as those don't come around too often." The radio D.J announced before cutting to commercial.

Josh jumped out of bed, ran his fingers through his hair and slapped himself on the cheeks to try to wake up. This has to be a dream, this can't be real, as there is no way that the worst day of his life is repeating itself. He ran to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face as he waited for his cable box to turn on to C-SPAN so that he could hear the morning news.

"In other news this Friday morning, President Bartlett's advisors will be meeting with House Majority leaders to try to reach a compromise on the President's hefty Health Care reform bill, which has yet to leave committee but is due to be brought onto the floor for a vote sometime in the next few days."

'This can't be happening' Josh thought as he turned off the TV and sat back down on his bed in shock. He picked up Mr. Rogers and questions started to race through his mind. Was it really possible that his wish had come true and time had rolled back twenty four hours? Was it possible that if he got dressed and went into the office he would find Donna at her desk, just like every other morning? Was it possible he had just been given a chance to change fate?

Even though it was early, he had to know for sure that what was happening around him was real. He needed to know that his mind was not just playing tricks on him as he reached over to his phone to call Donna's cell. As the phone continued to ring, he held his breath as he hoped deep down he would be greeted by her sweet voice on the end. 

"Hello.." Donna murmured in the phone.

Josh felt his heart race at the sound of her voice, it wasn't exactly sweet sounding but it was her voice none the less, meaning she was still alive. A grin spread across his face and for the first time in a long while he felt renewed and full of hope.

"Josh… are you there?"

Josh froze; he realized he didn't know what to say or how to begin. He had so much he needed to tell her but at the moment he found himself completely tongue-tied.

"Yeah Donna..Umm..umm.. I was just calling to say Good Morning." He finally blurted out realizing a simple greeting was the best way to start.

On the other end Donna rolled her eyes, it was far too early in the morning to play one of Josh's many mind games with her and she definitely was not in the mood as she realized she had missed her alarm and overslept.

"Good Morning to you too Josh, now what do you need. I already told you I prepared those estimates for the health care bill for your meeting with Congressman Jackson this morning and they are safely sitting on my desk."

'Her notes!' Josh thought to himself, he had to get to work so that he could make sure she gives him the correct notes to avoid the fiasco of yesterday.

"Umm.. thanks… I was just calling to tell you I have a surprise for you when you get in."

Donna took a deep breath, lately a surprise from Josh was never a good thing. There was a time that she used to revel in his surprises, whether it be a trip to the salon, a nice lunch or dinner or the unexpected bouquet of flowers at her desk. But now his surprises just meant one thing, more work to do and she was not looking forward to that as she had plans this evening with Jack that she refused to cancel.

"Sound great… I'll see you when I get in" Donna said trying her best to sound positive.

"Alright… well drive safely." Josh quickly said before he even realized the words were escaping his mouth.

Donna hung up the phone as Josh danced around his room with Mr. Rogers. 

"Donna was right about you Mr. Rogers! Everything did turn out alright in the morning! I have another chance! I can tell her how I feel! I can save her!" Josh grinned as he continued to dance around his room and thank the bear as if he had made the miracle happen.

He then realized he had so much to do, he had to make up for all of his mistakes. He was given this second chance and he was not going to screw it up. He was going to live up to his promise to do everything he could to fix things with Donna and save her from her tragic fate. 

He called the florist and ordered the largest arrangement of pink tulips and roses possible, Donna's favorite flowers. He wanted it on her desk to surprise her when she got in, no questions asked.

He pulled out his blue shirt from his closet still in the bag from the cleaners and showed no signs of the coffee stains he created yesterday. He then hopped in the shower and got dressed.

He poured a bowl of cereal to quickly eat, but as he opened the fridge he remembered that he was out of milk. Knowing that he was also out of clean coffee mugs, he skipped his morning coffee not wanting to take any chances that it would spill on him.

Josh grabbed his backpack and hastily locked his apartment. He quickly turned the corner to get to his car when he ran smack dab into one of his teenage neighbor's who had been holding a cup of coffee he had brought from one of the street vendors.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Lyman." The teenager apologized sincerely, he knew Josh was a powerful man in politics and had always been intimidated by him.

Josh looked down at his blue shirt which was now covered in coffee, in a similar pattern to how it looked after his coffee accident yesterday. 

The teenager panicked as he struggled to continue to apologize for ruining Josh's shirt. "It was an accident sir, I promise. I always try my best to watch where I am going and to be careful. But you know, sometimes you just can't control things in life and stuff happens that you can't help. Like my coffee spilling on you, I didn't mean for it to happen. Please don't send the F.B.I to my house or something like that, I'm really sorry again."

Josh looked at the young kid and tried his best to muster up a smile, "Don't worry about it kid."

Josh quickly turned around and headed back to his apartment to change out of his stained shirt.

'This is not happening! History will not repeat itself' He thought to himself as he slammed the door and unbuttoned his freshly stained shirt in a panic. He hastily changed into the only other clean shirt he had in his closet, the same shirt that he had to been forced to wear when the coffee spilt on his blue shirt yesterday.

He hurried out of his apartment once again, not wanting to be late to set his plans for the day in motion. He refused to acknowledge that he couldn't stop the tragic events from yesterday from repeating themselves. He swore to himself that he would not allow fate to take the woman he loved away from him again. No matter what happens, by the end of the night Donna was going to know exactly how he truly feels about her and she would understand just how much he loves her.

----

A/N : Credit to Cher for the song, "If I could turn back time"

Feedback please!...


	10. Chapter 10

Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (10?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there.

Feedback: I appreciate all the feedback I've gotten in the past. Please keep it up, it really motivates me and makes me glad that people are actually reading what I write! I especially want to know that my month hiatus hasn't caused all of you to loose all interest in the story.

A/N Sorry for the long delay, August was the busiest month of my life and the story had to be put on hold. But I'm back and fully intend on finishing the remaining chapters in a much quicker manner. Thanks for being patient!

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth, she is the best!

------------

"Good Morning C.J!" Josh exclaimed, giving her a start, as they passed through the necessary security checks to enter the White House.

She turned around to see Josh grinning at her in a way she hadn't seen in recent months. She smiled to herself as she watched him desperately try to balance a tray of two coffee cups and a paper bag of some kind.

"Morning to you, too Josh." She politely replied, still confused by his abnormal behavior. She reached out to help him carry his paper bag before he spilt coffee all over the White House entryway.

"It's going to be a great, great day C.J! I can just feel it….fate is on my side today!"

"It's Friday the 13th Josh, fate is on nobodies' side… I once heard that people are twice as lucky to die on Friday the 13th than on any other day"

"Well Mi Amour you are wrong for once. Fate works in mysterious ways and I say once again that today is going to be a great, great day and nothing you say can kill my mood."

"Whatever you say Joshua." CJ smiled, it had been a long time since he had called her that. She wondered what precipitated this complete 180 in Josh's attitude, she couldn't even remember the last time she had seen him this happy and cordial.

She walked him to his office and placed the bag down on his desk and had a seat.

"So tell me, I just have to know. What's the special occasion Mister? What has you in such high spirits?" CJ asked. Her curiosity could not take it anymore and she needed to know what was going on.

"What CJ? Can't a man smile and be happy anymore? Is it suddenly a crime for him to bring one of his best friends a muffin for breakfast?" He answered as he reached in the paper bag and threw CJ a banana nut muffin, her favorite.

"Normally no, but when a man has spent the better part the last few months isolating his friends, wallowing in self-pity and snapping at everyone he cares about and then suddenly turns around and acts like he's the happiest, luckiest guy on the planet then it's a bit odd."

"You don't understand, I am the luckiest guy in the planet. I woke up this morning with a whole new lease on life. I'm telling you that I've changed CJ and I'm done screwing up and done with hurting the people I care about. I can't tell you how sorry I am about how I've been acting recently. I know I've been a complete jackass and royal pain in the butt."

CJ nodded in agreement as she took another bite of her muffin.

"I appreciate your apology, and yes you have been a pain in the ass, but we all still love you anyways."

"Thanks!" Josh felt relieved, as much as he wanted to fix things with Donna he also wanted to repair the rifts in his friendships with the people closest to him, Leo, CJ, Sam and even Toby.

"So how did you reach this wonderful epiphany you experienced this morning? Did you have some weird pre-Friday the 13th hallucinations in your sleep?"

Josh shook his head.

"No visits from ghosts in the middle of the night taking you to your past, present and ominous future, warning you to change now or else?"

Josh shook his head again, while CJ shot him that look she gives when she knows she's being lied to.

"Well, not exactly." Josh muttered.

CJ stood up straight, now very interested in the matter at hand. "See I knew it! Something must have happened to explain this return of the old Joshua! Not that I am complaining I'm certainly glad to have you back. But spill it! Tell me what's going on!"

Josh squirmed in his seat, unsure of how to begin and wondered if CJ would even believe him as recalled in his mind the strange events of yesterday that culminated with them all mourning Donna's death in his apartment.

Luckily they were interrupted by a knock on the door, it was Margaret.

"Sorry to interrupt you both but I have a message from Leo that he wanted me to deliver personally." Margaret said nervously, it looked to her as through she had interrupted something important and it was far too early for her to take one of Josh's angry outbursts.. How Donna still puts up with him, she could not understand.

For the longest time she had been sure Josh and Donna would eventually get together, after all she had always had a keen sense of these things. She saw how they looked at each other from the very start and always thought that something special was there. But after Donna accepted Jack's proposal and their friendship turned sour she realized she might have been wrong all along and they may not be headed towards the fairy-tale ending she felt they deserved to have.

Josh smiled at Margaret, "Good morning, Margaret! How are you today?"

Margaret felt her jaw drop and was taken aback by his happy greeting and his sunny attitude. "Umm.. good… I guess."

She looked over at CJ to see if she knew what was going on, but found that she just smiled right back at her with a look that said she didn't know what the heck was going on either.

"Well my dear, have a muffin. Today is going to be a great, great day. I know it, CJ knows it and now you know it too!" Josh said as he tossed another one of his muffins to Margaret.

"Are you ok Josh? I know it's Friday the 13th and all, but your acting really weird… and this coming from me." Margaret said blatantly.

Josh continued to grin, "Why does everybody keep asking me that? I'm fine! Can't I do something nice for my friends for once without any hidden motives?"

CJ and Margaret both shot him looks indicating they weren't buying his story.

They were interrupted by yet another knock, this time it was Carol.

"Oh my goodness… did you see that huge arrangement they just delivered to Donna's desk? That must be the prettiest arrangement of flowers I've ever seen!" Carol said excitedly. Margaret and CJ followed her out to the bullpen to see what all the commotion was about.

"Wow." was CJ could muster up as she admired the gorgeous arrangement of the most perfect pink tulips and roses she had ever seen.

"This must have cost a fortune!" Margaret exclaimed as she bent down to smell their sweet scent.

"Donna is such a lucky girl to have Jack! My boyfriend would never do something this romantic." Cathy said forgetting that Josh was around.

"Who said these flowers are even from Commander Wonderful?" Josh said in a tone that definitely caught the attention of the three ladies.

"Joshua Lyman, I'll be damned!" CJ smiled widely. She couldn't believe that perhaps Josh had finally found the courage to take some action about his feelings for Donna. Suddenly it all started making sense to her and she began to understand the true reason behind his mysterious good mood.

"Damn, the envelope is sealed." Margaret said disappointedly.

"Excuse me ladies, I'm sure Donna would not appreciate you snooping through what seems to be a very special and personal gift. I'm sure you all have much work to do today as do I."

They reluctantly moved away from Donna's desk and retreated to their own areas.

"Leo wants to see you in 10 minutes Josh… well at least that what he sent me to personally tell you about 10 minutes ago." Margaret exclaimed before she went back to gossiping with Cathy.

"Also we're not done talking Buster… you still have some explaining to do." CJ also called out before disappearing down the hall.

As Josh made his way back to his office to find his notes to meet with Leo, he remembered he needed to make some changes to ensure that Donna gave him the right information today. He went back over to her desk and poked around until he found the two identical red folders, one containing her briefing notes, which true to her word she had meticulously prepared and the one containing her wedding plans, which if Josh had his way today, would never come to be. He tucked the wedding folder safely in her top drawer and placed the other red folder to the right of the flowers so that she could easily find it when he asked for it later.

He stopped to take one last look at the flowers before heading over to Leo's office. They were very beautiful if he said so himself and he prayed that Donna would like them and that everything would go his way.

-----------------------------------

Donna didn't even have a chance to set foot in the West Wing before she was mobbed by Margaret, Cathy and Ginger.

"Oh my God Donna you need to go straight to your desk." Margaret said eagerly wanting her to reveal her mysterious Romeo.

"It's so big that she can probably see it clear across the room." Cathy replied as Donna struggled to keep up with the pace of her very excited friends. She was very confused about what was going on.

"Don't spoil the surprise, let her see for herself." Ginger insisted.

'Surprise?' Donna thought. She immediately thought back to Josh's strange call to her this morning. He hadn't seemed like himself on the phone, something was different about his voice. He seemed so happy and relieved just to hear the sound her voice. It was almost as she had been given a glimpse back to the way things used to be between them, before everything had changed. Since he did mention he would have a surprise waiting for her, she figured that must be what her friends were going on and on about.

When they finally reached her desk, Donna was immediately taken aback. She covered her mouth in awe, overwhelmed by the sight in front of her. Suddenly she understood why the other girls were so excited and eager for her to come to her desk. This arrangement was the most beautiful gift she had ever received, each pink tulip and rose was perfect.

When Josh had mentioned a surprise this morning she had been certain it would have been something bad like a reassignment or some large, boring project for her to do that would make her life miserable. But she would have never guessed that Josh would do something this nice, and dare she say it, romantic for her especially given the way things had been between them lately.

"Well…. Aren't you going to open the card? We have been on pins and needles wanting to know who's responsible for this!" Margaret said impatiently.

Donna smiled and carefully removed the small card hidden amidst all the flowers.

'My Dearest Donnatella,

Please take this small gesture, as the first sign of my intent to repair the damage I have single-handedly caused our relationship. You're my best friend and I haven't treated you as such. I'm so sorry for the pain I have put you through and I hope that you'll allow me the opportunity to make it all up to you. I care about you deeply and value what you provide to me both professional and personally, you are my better half.

Love,

Joshua'

Donna struggled to hold back the tears that she felt pooling in her eyes. She was touched both by Josh's gallant gesture and the kind words he wrote to her. Her mind was racing as she tried to process what this all meant? Was he truly serious about what he had said? Was he finally ready to settle down into a real relationship with her, was that what he wants? But more importantly after everything she has been through was that was even what she still wants?

She looked down at her engagement ring as thousands of conflicting emotions and thoughts raced through her mind. Sure this was really nice for Josh to do and she definitely wanted their relationship to go back to at least to the way it used to be, but was it too little too late for them romantically? Should she throw away her safe, secure future with Jack and take another chance with Josh? Could she open her fragile heart again to him after he had hurt her so deeply? What if he did it again?

Donna's thoughts were interrupted by the incessant tapping of Margaret's foot.

"Well are you going to tell us who sent you the flowers or not?"

"Yeah was it your Prince Charming Jack, or some other guy trying to sweep you off your feet?" Cathy asked.

Donna could not help herself as a huge Cheshire grin swept across her face as she revealed her secret admirer to her eagerly waiting friends.

"It was Josh… he was the one that sent me the flowers." Donna said excitedly as her smile was met by matching smiles from her friends who couldn't be happier for her.

"Finally! It's about damn time he got off his ass and did something! I always knew it! I have a sense about these things!" Margaret exclaimed as the rest of girls giggled and grinned in response. Standing there next to her beautiful flowers, laughing and smiling with her friends, Donna felt all her lingering doubts about Josh and whether or not she still wanted a relationship with him slowly fade away.


End file.
